Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. NKJ

This scripture makes it clear that in our relationship with our husbands we must take care to show respect. Interesting that Paul calls for a husband to love his wife and a wife to respect her husband. Could it be that respect is a critical component in building your husband? Were you aware that women can have an active role in building men? You, as a wife, either build up or tear down.

Husbands need our respect. Theirs is a weighty calling: to work dutifully, to seek God on our behalf, to lead us, to love us as Christ loves the church. Responding with respect creates a safer environment in which he can carry out these duties. A loving, supportive wife is a treasure. A nagging woman who spews disrespect is far from that.

When we fail to show respect for his person, his words, or his decisions we are actively destroying his confidence. Negative comments and gestures tear down his sense of personal worth and value, stunting his leadership development. Often times I hear a wife claiming to want a stronger leader, complaining that her husband is not willing to be the head of the house. I guarantee that if a man is trampled on every time he tries to lead, he will be tempted to either shrink back or leave you behind. Neither one is desirable.

“But how can I show him respect? You just don’t know what he’s done!”

I know that some of you face very difficult situations; I don’t pretend to understand your dilemma. But I do know that what God commands us to do, He empowers us to do. His grace is sufficient. I don’t say that flippantly; I realize that for some women this is an extremely challenging command. My confidence is in His ability, not yours or mine. His love is present and available for a sinner like me — surely it can meet any other sinner as well.

“Why should I show him unconditional respect? He’s sinful, lazy, fallible…”

Exactly. Wives need to be taught to show respect because when a husband fails respect is not the natural response. The fact that your husband is a sinner is no surprise. You did marry a mere man. But his sin is not beyond the Lord’s redemption. Part of His redemption plan includes our display of respect. Our willingness to walk in respect toward our husband encourages, releases, and enlarges. When a man senses that his wife is respecting him, he walks more carefully and boldly. He is free to grow because he is free to make mistakes without being blamed, nagged, and scolded.

Am I saying that true respect never speaks a contrary word? Not exactly. I am saying that respect never speaks a nagging, belittling word. There is always room for an appeal to a decision, for us to voice an opposite opinion; Godly appeals are not belittling but are full of wisdom and encouragement.

Here is a simple chart comparing honoring and belittling.

Showing respect is required both privately and publicly.

For instance, when you’re alone together he deserves to be given full respect. Don’t roll your eyes at his suggestions. Don’t jump in with a negative response before he has even finished his thought (and don’t jump in with a negative response even if he has finished his thought.) Don’t say, “I told you this would happen” if something goes wrong when you suspected it might. Why do wives expect their husbands to share their intimate thoughts and dreams if they are met with this kind of response? And why do we think they will become valiant leaders if we throw their failures up in their faces?

Now imagine this scenario. You are with your friends without hubby. Words slip into wrong directions and soon hubbies are being roasted right and left. You could jump in with that most embarrassing moment story of his, or you could join in by saying, “You’ll never guess what my husband does…”, or you might be tempted to voice your recent complaints. Don’t. Not even in jest, unless of course it is a story that has been previously approved by him. Sounds a bit extreme? Let’s remember “Do unto others”. When people tell a joke at my expense, it can hurt. When my failures become the brunt of humor, it can embarrass. It does not build. We can enjoy a good laugh as long as it in no way degrades or belittles or reveals sin. Love covers, love builds, love encourages.

Here’s another one: You’re visiting with a few other people and your husband endeavors to recount a story. A few sentences into his tale, you add a correction of his facts. He makes two more statements and another correction is made. This continues until he finally says, “Why don’t you tell the story — I never get it quite right.” Now, it may be that you have mutually agreed that he is not a good story teller. If so, that is fine. But if not, he may be feeling a bit put down. At that point you need to ask yourself, how important was it that the house was blue, not green? Did it really matter that the little boy was two and a half, not three? Maybe honoring your husband’s moment of story-telling was more critical.

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12.4 (emphasis mine)

When we show respect, we bring honor to him. When we cause shame, we are like the Proverbs 14.1 woman who foolishly pulls down her own house. So let’s remember once again to love our husbands by showing them the respect commanded by the Word of God.

Our ability to freely love our husbands begins with a true love for God. Without first loving Him we cannot love our husband. We do not have the capability to love apart from Him.

Matt. 27.37-39 Jesus said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.” This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

We often dismiss the call to love our neighbor when that neighbor is a member of our household. Siblings fail to love one another, wives fall short of loving their husbands. Somehow family is exempt from “neighborly” treatment. It should not be so. Family, as well as neighbors, are to be loved as we love ourselves. Forget looking out for #1 with this exception: let it determine the standard of treatment toward your husband, family, and neighbor.

1 Jn. 4.19-21 We love Him because He first loved us. If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.

We deceive ourselves if we think we love God but do not love our husbands. It is hogwash, actually. Now that is brutal; honest, but brutally so. But such litmus tests are good for us. They keep us on course, and they keep us in need of Him.

How many times have I thought, and have I heard other wives lament, “But I just want to be loved!” Do our husbands fall short in loving us? Most assuredly, even the most perfect husband fails to love continuously. Are we to wait for his success before we give love? Is this meant to be tit for tat? Must it be a “love in return” situation? Absolutely not!

“We love Him because He first loved us.” The first thing we learn from this verse is that love begins with Him. We are not the originator of love. In order to have love ministered through us, we must first receive love from Him. That provision was made through His Son, Jesus Christ and His death on the cross. We must accept and know His love for us, then we must draw regularly from that source.

There’s also a principle revealed here: love given reaps love in return. You cannot out-give God — what you sow you shall also reap. Sow His love and you will have love poured into your life. This is not magic; it is simply a spiritual principle.

Is this a guarantee that your husband will become everything you ever dreamed he would be? No! This is not a manipulative tactic. This is to be sincere love. Check out 1 Cor. 13 again.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

We find that love is not self-seeking. When you set yourself to serving your husband and looking out for his interests, your heart is transformed as well. Will he be touched and changed? Absolutely, but that is not the goal. Love from a pure heart is what God is wanting. Pretense does not produce fruit, genuine love does.

At the same time we do know that love is powerful; it has transforming potential. God is love. God is all-powerful. We can know that love lavished upon an individual yields change in that person’s life. It is undeniably true. But that is in God’s hands. Our part is to love Him and to love others.

So begin afresh today — determine to love your husband. Love him as God has loved you and as you love yourself, and do so freely.

Good things. Sounds a bit dull; rather lackluster, don’t you think? In this day and age of “super duper”, “fantabulous”, and other over-the-top modifiers, “good” is left sounding ordinary and boring.

But in God’s mind, good is great, good is pure, good is a high accolade. He says, for instance, that we are called to good works. In fact, He describes Himself as plain ol’ good. So settle it: good is quite acceptable — it is actually super duper and fantabulous!

But what does God consider good? Timothy is told to find widows who are “…well reported for good works: if she has brought up children, if she has lodged strangers, if she has washed the saints’ feet, if she has relieved the afflicted, if she has diligently followed every good work.” The list in Titus 2:3-5 sounds somewhat similar. I think we can see clearly from these passages what God considers good.

We tend to look for the fantastical — healing ministries, word ministries that “wow” us, Holy Spirit goose bumps, and such. Is there a place for “super natural” happenings? Absolutely! How about longing for them every day? Definitely! But let’s not overlook the “good” things upon which God places a premium. They are everyday-ish, easily overlooked as ordinary rather than special, yet God goes out of His way to list them more than once, wanting us to recognize the extreme value of plain ol’ goodness. This is rock solid stuff. This is foundational substance that He can build upon. This is the core matter of a Holy life. Essential. Absolutely essential.

This simple old-fashioned sounding type of goodness can be attained by any one of us through the Holy Spirit. That is good news! This “goodness” is nothing more than ordinary things done in love and excellence with a caring heart. And, although it is not flashy and may never make the cover of Newsweek, it is something the world takes notice of and is drawn to. A solid marriage, children who love and are loved, a hospitable home, a reverent woman — these are, by the world’s standards, exceptional.

So let’s learn how to love our children, build a home, practice hospitality, serve saints, and minister to the afflicted. Let’s be pure in our devotion, reverent in our behavior, and let’s encourage one another to such high and holy works of God. This is what He longs to see established in our lives, passed on to our children and other young believers, and taught by women who long to teach good things.

“… the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things– that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.” Titus 2.3-5

This month we will consider Paul’s requirement of older women to be teachers of good things. Two things will be looked at: women as teachers and what is meant by “good things”.

There is an obvious mandate given in this passage for women to teach. Eyebrows may be raised at this thought, but it is clear — the call to teach is made; the audience and topics are the questions to be answered.

Today let’s explore different methods of teaching, recognizing that Paul is calling every Christian woman to come into maturity and instruct others. The adjective used in our passage is “older”, a description that all of us will attain with time. It is inescapable. You will almost inevitably be older and more experienced than someone. So it will be necessary that we prepare to be teachers.

Some of you are a bit apprehensive, even frightened, at the thought. But as we consider some varying approaches to teaching I am sure we will find that this is an attainable goal for all of us.

The thought of teaching typically brings the image of a formal setting to mind, whether it be classroom, home Bible study, or instruction as a mentor. Indeed, this is one type of teaching. You may or may not have a “teaching gift” as described in Romans 12.4-8, but you are still able lead someone in a simple look at scripture, or faithfully share a lesson God has taught you with a small group of younger ladies. This kind of teaching is intentional, planned, thought through. It is demanding, but not overly so. It simply demands faithfulness with the work of God in your life.

I remember distinctly the time God began requiring this of me. As I resisted, insisting that I was unable to share in front of peers, certain that I had nothing of value to say, He challenged me with this: “Do you mean to say that I have not been faithful to you, that I have not shown you anything or taught you to walk in Holy Ways?” I was, of course, instantly humbled and deeply pained. I had in no way meant to belittle my wonderful Saviour and His faithful work in my life, but by declaring that I had nothing to say that is exactly what I was doing. From then on, as He tapped me on the shoulder to say, “Now is the time to say something, to help, to answer that question, to meet with that group of young moms,” I responded with, “Yes, Lord.” And my season of teaching began. I recognized the need to dust off the journals, remind myself of lessons learned, write down my recollections, and share. It was that simple. Really.

So now is the time to begin. Write down your life lessons. Study and keep records. Jot down insights as they come. Be faithful with the work of God in your life. Don’t let it slip away unnoticed. Be faithful.

Teaching takes place in informal settings as well. This best happens when we have become true disciples; our very lives become epistles, testimonies of what He has done deep within our hearts and minds. As we live daily life, words of wisdom and kindness adorn our lips. Our responses to adversity and success alike bring glory to Him. And those who standby watching learn. I am not speaking hypothetically — God actually intends for this to be happening.

We must decide to befriend those who are younger, spending time just being together. If you are a young mom, have them in your home; if you are older and freer, consider going to their homes. Work side by side, just chatting as you work. These are invaluable times of instruction. Help them with decorating, cooking, cleaning, shopping, whatever. Just spend quality time together. If your life is truly hidden in Christ, He will be revealed to them. Surely this is not too difficult. But surely this is essential for healthy discipleship. There is nothing better than to be able to say to someone, as Paul said, “Follow after me even as I follow after Christ.”

Begin considering this today: God is looking for women who will teach younger women. What is your part? When and how? For some of you the time is not yet. Your portion is to prepare faithfully. Others will recognize that He is indeed tapping you on the shoulder. There is much work to be done; many younger women are in need of instruction. How can we rise to the occasion? Let Him challenge you and stretch you. He is just looking for the willing vessel to fill and use.

You have died with Christ, and he has set you free from the evil powers of this world. So why do you keep on following rules of the world, such as, “Don’t handle, don’t eat, don’t touch.” Such rules are mere human teaching about things that are gone as soon as we use them. These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, humility, and severe bodily discipline. But they have no effect when it comes to conquering a person’s evil thoughts and desires. Colossians 2.20-23 NLT

Avoid man-made laws. They do not thoroughly conquer the flesh. They may give boundaries and allow us to use the strength of our own will to accomplish a goal, but they do not produce Holy Spirit fruit. In our day and age there are some pretty convincing counterfeits available, but when I am hungry I don’t want someone to point me to that bowl of plastic fruit sitting on your table as a centerpiece. I prefer the real thing, thank you.

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts. Romans 13.14 NKJV

“Flee temptation,” James says. Make no provision — in other words, don’t provide for your lusts! Remove the temptation, get out of there, don’t have that ice cream in the freezer or that TV in your house. You know what you can and can’t handle at any given point. If you’re an alcoholic, I don’t suggest hanging out at the nearest bar to do your evangelizing. If you can’t control your spending, don’t go to TJ’s or that gourmet food store alone. Prone to flirtatious behavior? Maybe you need to consider some different clothes for now, or having a friend with you at all times to keep you accountable. There is a way to avoid the temptation. Find it and stick with it until victory is yours! Be honest with yourself and then get serious about those trouble spots in your life!

I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven. Phiippians 3.14 NLT

I like this translation of this familiar verse. All of our favorite versions convey a similar image of great effort: I press on, I run straight toward the goal, I pursue as my goal, etc. So if you want exert energy, skip the pursuit of rules and regulations designed to be self-serving and self-fulfilling, and pursue Him instead. He is the goal — loving Him, adoring Him, and worshiping Him. Let your heart be set on Him, not your own ambitions.

Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.
To reiterate, live to please the Lord. Colossians 3.2,3 KJV

If you want to be truly free to exercise self control over something, stop loving it. Love Him instead. This begins by looking at Him, learning who He is, and knowing Him more and more. Nothing will hold your heart’s affections when you are truly beholding His glory and great love. So practice setting your affection above by spending time with Him.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

As we conclude this month’s study of the Titus 2 requirement “not given to much wine” I leave you with this final thought.

“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10.31 NKJV

With personal freedom comes a new dilemma: how do I determine what I should choose to be doing with this liberty? God, in His infinite wisdom, didn’t give a bunch of rules that would soon be outdated, but gave us principles to guide us in our choices.

“Everything is permissible for me”–but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”–but I will not be mastered by anything. 1 Corinthians 6.12 NIV

You may say, “I am allowed to do anything.” But I reply, “Not everything is good for you.” And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. 1 Corinthians 6.12 NLT

When checking your level of self-control, ask a couple of pointed questions: Am I free to choose this? Am I able to say no freely, to stop at any time, to honestly regulate this activity?

Many people, for instance, will tell you that when they walk into a room with a TV on they are drawn to it. Conversation halts, focus changes, and the TV consumes their energy and attention. That is symptomatic of a real problem. Food, spending habits, gossip, flirting — these are some common trouble spots. You may have other addictions, like my friend who couldn’t read books without being controlled by them. She would be up until 4:00 a.m., unable to put down her current novel to get a good night’s sleep. In the morning, her young children and husband would be greeted by a less than enthusiastic wife and mother. It soon became a habit that needed to be dealt with. (How? Read the previous posts on this topic, “Not Given to Much Wine” parts1&2.) Assess your habits honestly with these questions. You will discover whether or not this is an activity that will enslave you through fleshly weakness. If it is, you should probably choose to not participate.

Those who live as their human nature tells them to, have their minds controlled by what human nature wants. Those who live as the Spirit tells them to, have their minds controlled by what the Spirit wants. Romans 8.5 Good News Translation

Does this activity agree with God’s will and character? In other words, is it Godly? Or will God need to be left out of this? (Just how does one do that since He is inescapable? Let me know how you make out with that one…) Enough said. I think you understand.

So you make it through the first few questions. You find that this activity is something you can freely walk away from at any given moment. You also determine that God could be there with you and you wouldn’t even blink. Good for you! Now let’s delve into motivation.

“Everything is permissible”–but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”–but not everything is constructive. 1 Corinthians, 10:23 NIV
Or as the NKJV says, “…not all things edify.”

Next set of questions: Does this build me and/or others? Is this activity helpful? Does it edify?

“Come on! Now you’re really messing with my plans for the night! I was gonna put on a DVD and kickback big-time. Not fair!!”

Am I implying that we shouldn’t have fun, that we can’t do something just for entertainment, that everything has to be good for us, like a One-A-Day Vitamin? Not exactly! You’ve jumped to wrong conclusions!

Can’t fun be edifying? Don’t you need R&R for good health? Of course you do! Eat your vitamin and have your cake tonight, too… if cake passes all those other tests. But be honest with yourself and make sure that tenth game of online Scrabble in one hour isn’t crossing the line into indulgence. Okay?

So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves.
But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin. Romans 14.22-23 NIV

Or as the Good News Translation says:
Keep what you believe about this matter, then, between yourself and God. Happy are those who do not feel guilty when they do something they judge is right!
But if they have doubts about what they eat, God condemns them when they eat it, because their action is not based on faith. And anything that is not based on faith is sin.

Last question: Am I acting out of faith right now? Have I asked all the questions so that I now have confidence to believe that I have judged correctly? If not, search out the Word until you have faith. But do not act apart from faith. Better to hold off for a season until you can, with true faith and conviction, participate. Because, as we just read, “anything that is not based on faith is sin.” That’s the black and white of it all.

This week’s thought: let’s learn to gauge our self-control and use our liberty for sincere service to Christ. May real liberty truly reign!

“And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit…” Ephesians 5.18 KJV (emphasis mine)

We learned that when self-control is exercised activities are moderated; passions and appetites are regulated through a conscience enlightened by the Holy Spirit. A friend shared in Sunday School that the Holy Spirit was free to tell her she should not partake in dessert and at the same time could allow you to indulge in cake for breakfast! That is Holy Spirit living: allowing God to direct your every step, including whether or not to eat cake! Recognizing a fellow believer’s liberty to eat cake even when you can’t is vital. Do not compare; do not burden another believer with laws for righteousness that He Himself did not write. Simply have this confidence and prayer: “I invite You, Holy Spirit, to write God’s law upon my heart anytime in anyway You choose and I am committed to obedience. You are a personal God who deals with me in personal ways. Thank you for such a privilege!”

What is the benefit of gaining self-control? Personal freedom. It is true freedom to be able to choose what to do, when to do it, and how much to do it. The world tells us that indulgence is freedom, but we know that whoever participates in sin is a slave to sin (John 8.34.) Through Christ’s work on the cross and the Holy Spirit’s guidance and empowering we are free to walk away from sin, no longer a slave, no longer ruled by the flesh. Hallelujah! We are free at last!

The scripture talks about personal freedom gained through self-control as a reality. What are some areas where such freedom is readily practiced and evidenced?

1. finances
“The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.” Proverbs 22.7 NIV

That’s a freedom rarely seen in this day and age. What liberty to no longer be servant to a lender!

2. emotions

“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.” Proverbs 22.24,25 NIV

You will be trapped by unbridled responses and emotions. How good to be free from such things.

3. sexual immorality


“But he who commits adultery has no sense; he who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away.” Proverbs 6.32,33 NRSV

Being enslaved by sexual immorality, a sin that destroys, is a “freedom” I could do without.

4. drinking


“Who has woe? Who has Sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaints? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? Those who linger long at the wine, those who go in search of mixed wine.” Proverbs 23.29,30 NKJV

Even if those who excessively indulge in wine could prove that they were freely choosing such a lifestyle, how could they validate their choice? Why would they live this way? One can only conclude, through common sense, that they are enslaved. We, in fact, have the scriptures to verify what we have already deduced: those who sin are slaves to sin. And sin is no kind task master.

5. eating


“‘Why do you scorn my sacrifice and offering that I prescribed for my dwelling? Why do you honor your sons more than me by fattening yourselves on the choice parts of every offering made by my people Israel?’” 1 Samuel 2:29 NIV

“When the messenger mentioned what had happened to the Ark, Eli fell backward from his seat beside the gate. He broke his neck and died, for he was old and very fat. He had led Israel for forty years.” 1 Samuel 4:18 NLV

Overeating, indulgence through food, is not a strictly modern dilemma. Samuel and his sons violated the Law by indulging themselves with the finest cuts of meat, rather than staying true to the sacrificial commandments. They were out of control. Take time to read the passage and see the consequence of their “liberty”. The good news for us? Even in this fleshly sin the Holy Spirit is a present help in times of trouble. Look to Him for this problem in your life. Self-control, a fruit born through the Holy Spirit’s work in us, is the answer.

Christians are the only people who can experience true liberty because it is liberty experienced from within through the fruit of self-control. It is ours if we will choose to be filled with the Spirit. This liberty is true, personal, and always available. It cannot be taken from us.

“If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.” NKJV

Let’s choose Him in all things today.

Titus was told to look for women who were “not given to much wine”. I recognize that most of us may not struggle with an over indulgence of wine or alcohol. So what can we glean from this recommendation? The women Paul was recommending knew how to practice self-control. Rather than being drunk with wine, they were filled with the Spirit.

self-control - the ability to say no; to stop at a proper time; to moderate activities; to regulate passions and appetites by using sound judgment and a conscience enlightened by the Holy Spirit (emphasis is mine — I love that definition!)

We learn from scripture that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. It is not something we can muster up on our own. Some of you may already understand this, having tried to exercise self-control over bad habits, only to end up frustrated and discouraged. So what’s a girl to do? How does one practice self-control? Can we battle the flesh on our own? No! We must learn to walk by the Spirit.

Galatians 5:24,25 “And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.” NKJV

Walking is a form of movement. It is accomplished one step at a time, one foot in front of the other, repeatedly. All day long we must walk in the Spirit; we must choose our steps, following His direction, His voice, His leading and guiding.

1 Peter 2:16 “Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God.” NIV

Day after day, step by step, we choose to live as servants, honoring Christ as our master, not our flesh, considering His ways and considering others above ourselves. What do we choose? We choose love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. Instead of indulging ourselves in reading a magazine we choose to listen to our toddler’s concern; we calm our frenzied soul before greeting our husband as he returns home from work; we prepare a nutritious meal even though we are tired; we rest our weary bodies instead of staying up late watching that movie so that we aren’t as tired tomorrow when it is time to prepare dinner.

Every day is a journey, but don’t fret about all the steps you will need to take in a given day. Just consider the one directly before you. And then choose His way.

When you fail to walk in the Spirit, simply kneel in repentance, then stand up and begin to walk again. One step at a time. If you fail again, repent again. I have found repentance to be an integral part of healing, growth, and bearing fruit. Repent. Repent often. Repent to God, and be sure to repent to those effected by your sin. It is humbling, but it is key to progress. It is essential.

“But we have liberty!” I hear the cry even as I write these words. Absolutely! Galatians 5:13 guarantees such liberty! It also provides important instruction for the use of such freedom.

“For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” NKJV

We should choose to use our freedom from the rule of the flesh for His purposes. And it is a choice. Some scriptures declare who and what we are — “You are the righteousness of God in Christ.” “All things have become new.” “The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God.”

Other scriptures are an imperative statement, a command. These imply a will to choose. Galatians 5:25 is one such verse.

“If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.” NKJV

Let us this day choose, step after step, to walk in the Spirit. It is a choice. It is a dying to self. And it yields the fruit of self-control in our lives. There is no better freedom known to mankind.

With our tongue, we can minister healing and edification. With that same tongue we can minister hurt and tearing down. “My brethren, this ought not to be so.” Let’s embrace James’ exhortation. Let’s look to God to help us use our tongues solely for blessing!

The following scriptures remind us of the kind of words we should be choosing.

Ephesians 4.29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” NIV
NKJV puts it this way: “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”

I love that verse! I know that it is a challenging reminder, one that I cannot attain in my own strength. It could become an overwhelming, frustrating burden, save for the wonderful promise tucked within. Did you see that last phrase? Did you notice the implication of positive power we can impart into people’s lives? You and I — simple people like us — can choose words that benefit others, that “impart grace”!

Ever since I realized the potential of my words to actually impart grace (“…that which affords joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, loveliness; the merciful kindness by which God, exerting his holy influence upon souls, turns them to Christ, keeps, strengthens, increases them in Christian faith, knowledge, affection, and kindles them to the exercise of the Christian virtues…”) I have experienced a highly increased care and joy regarding my words. How wonderful that I can, by careful and purposeful choosing, impart grace to my family, friends, and neighbors — why, even a stranger might be a partaker of grace through the words I choose to say! How wonderful! What an amazing privilege!

Proverbs 10.11 “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.” NRSV

Do my words bring forth life or death? It is a simple enough question, one that is not hard to discern. We just need to be asking ourselves regularly, “Is this ministering life to this person?”

Proverbs 12.18 “Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal.” GNT
Or this translation of that verse: “Rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” NRSV

Proverbs 16.24 “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.” NKJV

Do my words promote health or do they damage? A pleasant word to a hurting soul can restore faith and bring light. They can heal. How amazing to think we can wield such power!

Job 16.4,5 “I also could speak as you do, If your soul were in my soul’s place. I could heap up words against you, And shake my head at you; But I would strengthen you with my mouth, And the comfort of my lips would relieve your grief.”

When I first discovered this passage, I was arrested; I was stopped dead in my tracks.

We are all familiar with the story of Job. (To put it simply, he was a faithful man before God who experienced devastation from the enemy’s hand against him. His friends came to mourn his great losses with him, but actually brought words of accusation, assuming Job’s own sin and error had brought this upon himself. In the end, Job clung to faith in God and God showed His great faithfulness to His servant Job. But his friends were far from encouraging.) It is the old “kick a man when he’s down” syndrome.

I’m afraid we are all prone to doing such things from time to time, especially if the “I told you so” comment is applicable. But don’t go there. Instead, be like Job who said, “But I would strengthen you with my mouth, and the comfort of my lips would relieve your grief.” Don’t be tempted to get your licks in while you can, to muster revenge against someone while he’s weak, to kick a good man when he’s down. Choose rather to strengthen and comfort those who are downtrodden and broken, to bolster their faith in God, and to bring relief in their time of grief.

We are not helpless when encountering brokenness and death. The tongue is a small but powerful member; by it He has entrusted to us the wonderful ministry of healing and edification. We do not need to stand by as though impotent, destitute, and defenseless. Instead we have been equipped to actively bring restoration and encouragement. And that is good news, my friend, good news!

Proverbs 25.11,12 “Timely advice is as lovely as golden apples in a silver basket. Valid criticism is as treasured by the one who heeds it as jewelry made from finest gold.” NLT

Rebuke is actually a good thing. When you bring an appropriate rebuke to a wise man, it is welcomed. But there are some guidelines to consider.

Proverbs 9.7-9 “Whoever corrects a scoffer wins abuse; whoever rebukes the wicked gets hurt. A scoffer who is rebuked will only hate you; the wise, when rebuked, will love you. Give instruction to the wise, and they will become wiser still; teach the righteous and they will gain in learning.”NRSV

We must practice discretion. As we saw above, correction is treasured by the obedient, the wise man. Take care and think first. Consider your audience carefully.

Proverbs 25.15 “Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.” NIV

Great power is demonstrated in this verse. But it is accomplished through endurance and kindness. Our words must be gentle, exhibiting patience. Much can be accomplished, great influence realized, but it may take time. If we want our entreaties and words to be welcomed, they must be kind as well.

Galatians 6.1 “Dear brothers and sisters, if another Christian is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.”NLT

Maintain meekness and humility when bringing words of correction or reproof, always remembering your own state of need before Him. Anything you have to bring into the situation was given to you by the Holy Spirit. It is not your own. We stand in need of grace as much as our brother.

Ephesians 4.15 “Instead, by speaking the truth in a spirit of love, we must grow up in every way to Christ, who is the head.” GNT

We are responsible to share truth. Therefore we must learn truth. Be students of the Word of God. There is no other trustworthy source of truth.

Colossians 4.6 “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” NIV

I love that imagery; our speech should be enhanced, if you will, with grace — kindness and mercy should overflow from a heart of love. It flavors every word we speak. Beautiful. Lovely. This is as good as it gets! But you don’t buy grace at the nearby grocery store. Time in His presence, receiving grace for your own thirsty soul — that is where one obtains such precious goods. Soak in His grace; we must minister from a heart steeped in grace.

So we see that speaking truth in love and grace is a much needed ministry in the body of Christ. Begin preparing today. He needs you to do your part!