Homes are built.

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14.1

We can, according to this verse, build or tear down our home. One is considered wise, the other foolish. The choice is ours. We build with wisdom and understanding.

By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures. Proverbs 24.3,4

We find wisdom and understanding in the Word of God. We walk in the light of such wondrous knowledge by the power of the Holy Spirit. We apprehend such power through faith. And faith comes from the Word of God.

Guess it looks like this: we need the Word of God in our lives if we hope to build homes.

What does this mean our homes will look like? Does the Word of God paint a clear picture? Are we all supposed to be making whole wheat bread — with fresh milled flour, no less? Should our homes be lavish or simple? Are kids to be homeschooled, unschooled, public schooled? Do we need to have guests at every meal? None? How should we celebrate holidays? What does the Bible prescribe regarding all of these things?

I want to suggest that every home will look different in the details. In fact, it will be impossible to have your home look just like your neighbor’s home. To begin with the people in it are different, and one thing I know — God delights in creativity, making each one of us entirely unique. I, for one, am happy about that. But that means that necessarily what you bring to your home will be unique, entirely different from any other.

So, throw out your conception of “cookie cutter” home. Only in magazines can they all look so identical, so indistinguishable, so sterile, actually. Those picture perfect settings lack a sense of “life”, a touch of reality and originality that comes from healthy people creating and affecting their space. Sad to say, we are becoming more and more inclined to think a home should look like Pottery Barn or Better Homes and Garden “House of the Year”.

I’ve heard women say that they are not creative. Here’s a case in point that underscores our need for the Word to bring understanding, our dependence upon the Holy Spirit to equip us for walking in revealed truth, and the exigence for faith which comes from hearing the Word of God. My Bible says that these women were created in His image, the image of the Creator of all things. Hmmm. I don’t know what that means to you, but it tells me that we were all endowed with creativity. Our problem arises when we categorize and quantify creativity through our vain comparisons. We often look at the home down the street and covet that woman’s talent instead of appreciating and developing our own God-given abilities. Your creativity may come in the form of organization rather than decorating. Or cooking rather than fashion. Science may be discussed around your table more often than music. Or perhaps you would rather read a new novel and be moved by that story.

All to say, your management style may differ from your sister’s, your decor may not look like Pottery Barn, your approach to cooking won’t be the same as your friend’s. That is okay! The Word of God does not define the particulars; it deals with principles. And most of those principles deal with people, not surroundings. Our emphasis on the physical is a distraction from the essential. Let’s rearrange our priorities!

Learn how to love, how to deal with conflict, how to honor your parents, how to live in an orderly way, how to manage finances responsibly, how to provide physical nourishment and protection. These are some of the concepts taught in the Word.

But how will these principles look when applied? It will differ. The “how” is not as important as the “doing”. For instance, having order is a Biblical precept for living but how you accomplish order will be different than how I accomplish order. Honoring my mom and dad may mean providing the best bed in the house when they come for a visit. If this honestly is not what your parents want, then you need to honor them by providing what blesses them most. Your husband may want his closet arranged in a certain way. That same method may not meet my husband’s needs. This is where creativity comes in to play. Take the principles from the Word, observe others for the purpose of gleaning ideas, and then apply what you’ve learned accordingly — tweaking, inventing, and altering as needed to fit the unique combination of personalities and circumstances of your home.

Here is a little ditty I learned somewhere that kind of sums it up:

Methods are many; principles are few.
Methods often change; principles never do.

Don’t be afraid to borrow from others, but don’t be confined by what you see either. Learn to use what works for you, to eliminate the distractions, to be who God has made you to be! He has made you wonderful!

home — the place where one has fixed his residence, one’s settled abode, domicile (from Strong’s concordance)

So the woman is to keep (to maintain in condition or order, as by care and labor: He keeps his car in good condition.) home. To be busy at home. To work at home. To be a home”maker”.

Apparently, home doesn’t just make itself. It isn’t instant, automatic. It requires work, busy-ness.

Does God’s inclusion of this instruction in the same list as modesty, loving children, and loving husband connote a certain importance? He concludes the list by noting that we should do these things so the Word of God might not be blasphemed. Well, that certainly brings a sense of sobriety to all of this, doesn’t it?

Another question: Does our modern day culture place that same emphasis on homemaking? Is a similar level of importance accorded to homemaking today in America? In other words, are we taught to “keep” home as a primary function along with loving husband and children?

We can find innumerable books, magazine articles, and television segments dedicated to time management, 20-minute menu ideas, “quality time versus quantity”, handling stress, juggling job and home, etc., all of which could be pointed to as proof positive that we are focused on home. But the very subject matter of these articles implies something different: homemaking has been relegated to a secondary position that is now squeezed in between other more important activities. A woman’s career, education, or money-making ability is most important. At the very least, she should give her life to some noble cause intended to relieve the world of hunger or pain, gaining some sort of acknowledgment for her good deed. And then — only then — somehow, somewhere along the line she should help her husband (if she has one) make a home utilizing streamlined, time-efficient methods. Bunk.

Bottom line: we’re being told “it’s all about me and my fulfillment”. This foundational premise is the antithesis of keeping home, an endeavor centered on a service for others who consider a certain place to be their abode, their residence. Keeping home may result in accolades — (Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Proverbs 31.28,29 NIV)
— but most likely you will not be showcased on a magazine cover or given a Christmas bonus. The rewards, instead, are simple but clear. Obedience to God brings Him pleasure. Service to your husband provides him a refuge. A healthy place of growth for your children is established. Around your table there is ample ministry (physical, emotional, and spiritual) freely shared with neighbors and friends. These are the benefits, the fulfillment, the joy, the reward.

Since creation the Hebrew culture has been home-centered. Judeo-Christian morality continues to promote this paradigm. Innumerable generations of Judeo/Christian homes have provided the core for family life and major life events. But today’s culture has shifted the center of living, the core of family life, away from the home. Major events once experienced at home now take place in institutions. At one time we welcomed babies into our world at home. We nursed family members to health at home. We celebrated weddings at home. We died at home. No longer — we have become institutionalized. Homes are now merely pit-stops for refueling, hotels for crashing, closets for storing. But they are not the hub for sharing life experiences.

Sharing momentous occasions intimately, consistently, is a powerful bond. Today, the “glue” that holds family together has been diluted; in many cases it has completely evaporated. The result is not surprising: broken homes, unstable individuals, shattered lives.

“It takes a heap o’ livin’ in a house to make a home…”

I believe that a culture that no longer promotes the keeping of home as a primary function is blaspheming the word of God. Individuals are responsible in spite of culture, no doubt, and will answer to God for their obedience or disobedience. But a culture as a whole either embraces Biblical paradigms of truth or rejects them. I want to strongly suggest that women (and men) flee from this culture’s idea of home and rediscover God’s plan. It is no small matter in His eyes.

Next time we will consider all that home is intended to be. It may not look familiar, but if it is His plan, it is good!

Titus 2.3-5 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. KJV

Good ol’ King James translates it as “keepers at home”. Other versions are similar: “homemakers”, “workers at home”, “busy at home”.

What are we to imagine from these words of Paul laying out the curriculum to be taught by older women to younger women? Is this a clear guideline of activity? How many hours must be logged to qualify as “busy at home?” Busy doing what? “Workers at home” — is this a recommendation of cottage industry? Some may think so.

Years ago God began to turn my heart toward home. Verses like this one and Proverbs 31 began to convict me regarding heart investment. Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Not rich in dollars, my greatest treasure in that season consisted of time and energy. (I still think that is my greatest treasure, even when money may be more abundant.) The challenge came: Where was such wealth being invested? Was it at home? Scripture was clear. If I wanted my heart to be at home, I needed to invest treasure there.

The American home is experiencing a frontal assault from the enemy. He is determined to undermine this fundamental building block of Judeo-Christian society by destroying our appreciation for the importance of a healthy home and stripping us of a fundamental understanding of its function and structure. It is time to reclaim hearth and home for Him.

Last month we looked at the strange woman in Proverbs, discovering that she had little or no interest in home. Her feet were wandering and she was found everywhere but home. Contrarily, in Titus 2 we see an admonition to be “keepers at home”. What’s the deal? Why is this important? Why is there a need to remind women to be making a home, busily working there?

Apparently this is not a new dilemma. Perhaps it is a bit more rampant in certain times and places, but it is an age old problem about which to be warned and taught. But back to the question: Why? Why does God want us to make homes, to be the wise woman who builds her house? (Proverbs 14.1 “The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”)

Let’s consider Genesis for a moment. God created Adam. Adam needed a helpmeet. Eve was created from his side. Then they got down to business. The proliferation of humanity began with their union. This union of man and wife resulted in children; they became a mom and dad. Family was created. This was a fulfillment of His command: “Be fruitful and multiply.” It was His idea.

He established an order for this new-fangled thing called family by investing authority through the husband, commanding him to love his wife and calling her to respect her husband. This was family, home, the unit of society ordained by God. It is not of man’s own making; we did not design this, we cannot improve this, we should not seek to replace this. We, as a culture and as individuals, would be wise to heed the scriptural command to “keep home”.

Someone needs to be that “keeper”, that maker, that builder, that maintainer. That someone is the woman.

Observation of today’s American culture reveals a failure to readily heed His plan. There is a blatant disregard for those who “make homes”. Everywhere one looks there is a flagrant denial of His plan as good, a flippant “no thank you” to His ways regarding this thing called home and family.

This call to be a homemaker is no small thing, no unimportant task. A fundamental practice, its value and necessity stand in opposition to the popular notion that homemaking is menial and outdated. Instead the scriptures as well as various studies indicate that keeping home is of paramount importance.

Hence the frontal assault. Let’s face it, this assault isn’t new to our generation. Satan was there from the get-go, tempting and seducing Eve, drawing Adam into disobedience, seeking to derail God’s plan. This is not new. But it is real. And it is serious.

Next time we will consider God’s purpose for the home, discovering the power of a home used for His glory. No wonder the enemy is set against such a place!

Mom is amazing at creating pleasant and special atmospheres. She has taught us girls so much about this, first in leading by example, then by incorporating our help, and then by delegating. I’ve still got a long way to go before I’m quite as proficient as Mom in this area, but I sure am thankful for all I’ve learned from her!

The biggest thing I’ve learned from Mom is that we ought to be willing to put in some effort. It doesn’t have to huge or burdensome– Mom has often showed me how far just five minutes spent setting a pretty table can go and I speak from personal experience when I say that it doesn’t have to be anything elaborate for your husband and little ones to take note!– but we also can’t expect a creative and special atmosphere to just happen on its own. A few lit tea lights, scattered leaves gathered from your lawn, a bowl full of fruit, or a small American flag stuck in a bud vase can instantly elevate your table from Every Day to Special, but even small things do require that you engage your creative abilities and energies.

Growing up, we didn’t have big birthday celebrations each year. I think Danica may have been a baby when Mom decided that those significant parties would be reserved for 5th, 13th, and 16th birthdays. But while our “off” years meant small guest lists (2 friends or 1 family), no games and no party favors, they were still rich with little traditions that Mom gave us through atmosphere so that we didn’t feel the least bit disappointed.

For example, there was always the excitement of seeing the prettily wrapped presents throughout the day. I remember running downstairs as a little girl to the dining room buffet where I knew they would be attractively arranged. I didn’t know as a seven-year-old that that it took more planning and work on Mom’s part to have them each tied with ribbon and ready hours and hours before the evening celebration, but I sure did know that I couldn’t wait for that morning to arrive so I could stand there in breathless anticipation, imagining with great delight what might be inside.

Or what about Christmas Eve after we returned from the Candlelight Service at church? We would all quickly change into pajamas– “Don’t forget socks, girls, because it’s cold!” she would call– and scamper down to the family room where we would sit on the floor close to the tree while listening to the Christmas Story. It isn’t just the reading itself that I remember or the sibling gift exchange that followed, but the way the many lights on the tree cast shadows around the room, the feeling of being snuggled close together, the sound of familiar Christmas recordings playing in the background.

And who can forget the many Independence Day parades when Mom insisted that our apparel be red, white and/or blue in honor of the holiday? When I was eleven or twelve years old I felt the distinct humiliation of being, I was sure, the only pre-teen out there dressed to match the occasion (besides Danica, of course), but the tradition far outlasted my awkward insecurities because now I find myself dressing my children, my husband, and myself according to Mom’s request. The day just wouldn’t feel right otherwise!

It wasn’t just actual holidays, though, that Mom made meaningful through atmosphere. Who knew that the actual process of decorating the house for Christmas could still cause all us girls to break out in song due to years of listening to Sandi Patti’s The Gift Goes On soaring through the house stereo while we hung the garland? Or that we would all fondly recall Saturday evening baths simply because they had been followed by an hour of The Lawrence Welk Show?

It’s recollections like these that encourage me to make those extra efforts– lay out the tablecloth for a simple family dinner, turn on the CD as we tackle our daily chores, light the candles while we watch Sunday evening football, and frost that 2-layer cake (what a struggle for me!) that has been anticipated all year– that shows my family over and over again how important celebrating is and, even more importantly, how important they are to me.

Well, that’s the topic of a new little series we’ll be hosting in this corner of the world. There will be ideas, recipes, pictures, you name it!

Growing up, we definitely loved our traditions. Now, here’s the deal: some families are more naturally into traditions than others. Some personalities love the idea of “we always do it this way!” Others, maybe not.

But here’s the thing: taking the time and effort to establish some significant traditions is a golden opportunity for you to impart to your family. The things my parents instated spoke to us about the importance of God, the worth of certain events, and our own value. Traditions aren’t just about warm fuzzies or good memories (although I don’t mind a sentimental memory now and then, for sure!). They’re another opportunity to shape your family — and that’s worth doing!

Sometimes the idea of traditions can feel very burdensome, and there certainly are some things to keep in mind:

First, traditions are meant to be a blessing. Yes, they take work and effort and all of that good stuff. Stockings don’t magically fill themselves; parents stay up till the wee hours in order to accomplish such “magic.” Leg-o-lamb doesn’t just appear on the table after the Easter service; a mother carefully planned and prepped and timed that event! BUT if you’re continually frustrated or burned out feeling like you have to keep up with some Universal Tradition, well, reevaluate!

Second, choose traditions that you think are realistic. Mom was always careful of what she did once, because that’s all it took for us to think we should do it every year (or every birthday, or whatever.) Well, for instance, birthdays: Mom and Dad established a pattern of “big” parties at our 5th, 10th, 13th, and 16th birthdays, as opposed to every year. They were thinking ahead, for sure. I mean, can you imagine nine huge birthday parties every year? Throw in a few holidays here and there, and you’ve got a burned out Mama!!

Third, choose traditions that have meaning. Get bang for your buck! Simple things, though, can communicate a world of importance. Lighting candles and reading the Christmas Story on Christmas Eve: does it get any easier, cheaper, or more special than that?

Lastly, remember that you’re not a slave to traditions. Life happens, seasons change, and sometimes even with your best effort, the fancy party food has to go. We’ve been known to have Christmas dinner the day after… or even the week after! Those are the moments when you get to remind everyone that traditions are just a way of remembering what truly matters!

Hopefully we’ll all be encouraged and inspired as this little series unfolds. If you tend to poo-poo traditions, I hope we’ll be able to share some of the value they’ve had in our families. If you’re not from a background of sound family traditions, maybe you’ll find the starting blocks to establish such things in your own family.

Most of all, I hope we’re all challenged to work hard to instill the important things in our children’s hearts, and in the fabric of our family. Whether they’re the daily traditions or yearly traditions, tangible reminders of what truly matters are worth our effort.

I smiled warmly and joyfully announced aloud to the window in front of me and to no one in particular, “Rum logs!”

“What?” came a startled response from Camilla who was sitting at the table.

“Oh,” I responded somewhat sheepishly, “I said, ‘Rum logs!’.” With renewed relish I continued to explain. “I’m thinking that soon it will be time for Christmas decor and that made me think of rum logs. I love them! That makes me glad it’s coming again soon!”

“Yup!” she agreed heartily.

We all agree: rum logs are a favorite part of Christmas here at our home. They are worth waiting for! Anticipation can be a great thing and traditions help create anticipation.

Here’s something for you to anticipate. We will soon be starting a series on “Traditions” right here at Mom and Us. Be sure to catch it all!

A few questions about kids and chore charts prompted us to begin a little series on the subject. Rather than just jump into how to arrange certain jobs and match them with the right little person, we thought we’d start here: The Why.

The biggest reason to have your kids doing chores and learning to help the family function is to teach them the foundational truth about work: it’s a good thing, and we were all made to work.

Contrary to everything they’ll hear around them (and from inside them; let’s not forget how much our carnal natures love work!), work is not part of the Curse, and it’s not a bad thing. It’s not something we survive so that we can deservingly kick back on Saturday morning. Adam himself, the prototype, was made and then given a job. In fact, let’s look back even farther than that. God Himself, in whose image we are created, is working from the very opening of Genesis. We were made to work! When we get to heaven, I don’t think we’ll be floating on clouds, eating peeled grapes. In fact, I think we’d all die of boredom if that were the case. (Die? In heaven? Well, you know what I mean!)

Work gives a sense of accomplishment. It stimulates our energy, our creativity, and a right sense of pride. It just plain old feels good, and we’re responsible for showing that and teaching that to our children.

The other great reason to have your kids start pitching in is that, well, I’m sure you could use the help! At first, yeah, it’s easier to just do it all yourself while they hibernate and do whatever they feel like doing. But you’ve actually got valuable help, right under your nose, if you’re willing to train their hands and hearts. While you’re preparing them for a life of joyful service and good attitudes, they’re actually helping to keep things moving. What a great deal!

So as we launch into a little discussion about chores and such, don’t worry that you’re about to steal the innocence of childhood away from your kids. Not at all. Trust me; there’s still plenty of time to skip around in fields of dandelions after having picked up and set a table or two. You, as a parent, are training these little people, and training them to understand the goodness of work, and how to do it with the right attitude, is invaluable. What a gift you are giving them!

I’ve collected here a few samples.

For the detailed, check out Crystal’s morning routine, tips on developing a schedule, and her sample schedule.

Or maybe you prefer something a bit more visual and creative.

Maybe you’d be most inspired opening up a beautiful planner you yourself have created.

Here’s another example of a home management notebook. (And check out the related links!)

Getting Things Done is a book with great ideas on organizing your thoughts and life. (Though written for the office exec, the principles are easy to apply.)

Now that you know which direction to go, check out all of these free downloads!!

Lastly, you may enjoy reading 36 ways to be more productive.

What about you? If you have a link, share it in the comments!

I don’t know about you, but there are few things I dislike more than having my oven and gas burners on in the summer between the hours of 3-7pm, the hottest time of the day. Even when I force myself to the task, I must admit that it’s rather disheartening to toil over a hot stove, sweat beading on my forehead, only to have the family push the food around their plates with their forks because they’re just too hot to eat.

So when this question came in last week, I could definitely relate!

I was wondering if you all could give some suggestions for… summer menus. This is my first summer back in the North and [with] no air conditioning in the house which makes for a, not very hungry for hot food, family. I would love any help I could get!

One thing that’s great to do in the summer when cooking in a hot kitchen is unpleasant is to take advantage of the all the fresh produce that abounds this time of year. When else can you gorge yourself on freshly picked strawberries because they only cost $1.20/quart? And when else is it affordable to hand your kids a bunch of organically grown carrots that you bought at a local farmer’s market to snack on? The great thing about fresh produce is that even when it feels to warm to eat a full meal, fruit and veggies are still appealing.

Of course BBQ’ing is fun and most everyone likes food cooked on the grill, but if your family is like ours and you don’t usually eat meat every night of the week, hamburgers or chicken on the grill only works every so often. One great solution is to grill marinated veggies that can be eaten plain, as sandwich filling, or over pasta and rice instead.

A standby meal around our house this time of year (it’s quick and easy on hot, busy summer days) is saute’ed garlic and veggies (whatever’s cheap that week: bell peppers, eggplant, summer squash, zucchini, etc.) in oil. Top pasta or rice with the veggies and then generously sprinkle parmesan cheese over it all. So, so good.

I also love to make salad the main dish in the summertime. Lots of greens, cheese (any kind on hand will do!), nuts, and some tuna or chicken topped with a good salad dressing needs nothing more than a loaf of tasty bread to satisfy. A bowl of fresh tomatoes and cucumbers marinated in oil and vinegar is absolutely delicious. And, of course, fruit salads are loved by everyone.

Find recipes that require less cooking time so that you don’t heat up your kitchen (and house) too much. I whip up this simple egg casserole and serve it for dinner frequently in the summer because it only takes 25 minutes to bake in the oven. Homemade pizza is another good idea, especially when I remember to get the dough started before it gets really hot or– even simpler– when I use english muffins instead of standard pizza crust. Tacos (beef, chicken, or bean) are also a great option.

What are some of your favorite summer menu items? Please share!

I think we as people tend toward routine and even crave it– some more than others, of course. (I would be one of those who craves it… :) Growing up, if we did something twice (sometimes even just once!), it was Tradition! As a mom, it’s interesting to note my children establishing their own methods and routines for things: how to eat a sandwich, where to sit when a movie is watched, what order they will brush their teeth in, etc.

Here are a few blessings I think come from having a measure of routine in our days:

1. Better Prioritizing
Having a daily routine or schedule can be very helpful in making sure you do the things that are really important to you. When we live our lives flying by the seat of our pants, we often miss out on the things we really want to do because we’re just doing the thing that’s right in front of us. For example, I have found that although I very sincerely want to be taking time to help my children memorize Scripture, if I don’t establish Scripture memorization as a routine part of our days, I get to the end of the week only to realize that I never found time for it.

1. Stability
Predictability isn’t always fun, it’s true, but a certain amount of predictability lends itself to order and peace because we know what to expect. It can be something as simple as always following your morning shower with coffee that can yield peace!

2. Productivity
When we do things in similar fashion repeatedly, we get better and faster at those things.

3. Spontaneity
Yup, you heard me right! The truth is, if you stay routine in doing your laundry, when an opportunity for a spontaneous overnight trip presents itself, you’re ready to pack your bag and go. If you cook meals routinely, your husband can usually bring home a dinner guest or two without it throwing you into a tizzy.

Having considered some of the blessings of routines, we are faced with the question of how to establish daily routines. There isn’t a pat answer because what works well for me might not work well for you, and vice versa. Also true is the fact that what works well for me now very well may not work well in a few months. We are changing people living in changing environments. Certainly we can be inspired by and learn from one another, but we need the heart of God regarding how to invest our time.

I recommend that you begin by considering your goal. What does God want your days to look like? If you’re married, talk with your husband about what’s important to him in a day, such as shared meals or family devotions or playtime with the kids. Determine your own hopes and priorities. And figure out the most important things first. If Gabriel used play-doh at the same time each day but I wasn’t getting a chance to shower, I’d be frustrated, to say the least!

As for how you maintain daily routines, there is no “right” way. Personally, I like to work through my day like it’s a flow chart. The only things I really attach specific times to are waking/sleeping (including naps) and meals, and even then it’s not entirely uncommon for me to put the kids down for naps at 1:30 or even 2pm instead of 1pm like I aim for. After establishing those more time-specific things, I simply aim for doing other things in a particular order around those times.

For example, in the morning I wake up, have my quiet time, dress the kids, shower and dress myself, make breakfast. One day you might come over and find that we’ve woken up extra early and I’m showered at 7am with laundry started and muffins in the oven baking. Another day you’ll find me with my wet hair wrapped in a towel as I help Gabriel set the table at 8am. Either way, I can almost guarantee that everyone will be dressed for the day before we sit down at the table, because that’s a routine that’s important to me because it helps me feel more ambitious and motivated.

This is what works for me. As you establish your own routines, be sensitive to and prioritize the people in your life– husband and children, roommates, parents, etc.– so that your daily routine includes their needs and hopes. Understand your limitations and your unique abilities. And, above all, ask the Lord what He would have you doing with your days and how He would have you do it.

See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Ephesians 5:15-16