With our tongue, we can minister healing and edification. With that same tongue we can minister hurt and tearing down. “My brethren, this ought not to be so.” Let’s embrace James’ exhortation. Let’s look to God to help us use our tongues solely for blessing!

The following scriptures remind us of the kind of words we should be choosing.

Ephesians 4.29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” NIV
NKJV puts it this way: “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”

I love that verse! I know that it is a challenging reminder, one that I cannot attain in my own strength. It could become an overwhelming, frustrating burden, save for the wonderful promise tucked within. Did you see that last phrase? Did you notice the implication of positive power we can impart into people’s lives? You and I — simple people like us — can choose words that benefit others, that “impart grace”!

Ever since I realized the potential of my words to actually impart grace (“…that which affords joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, loveliness; the merciful kindness by which God, exerting his holy influence upon souls, turns them to Christ, keeps, strengthens, increases them in Christian faith, knowledge, affection, and kindles them to the exercise of the Christian virtues…”) I have experienced a highly increased care and joy regarding my words. How wonderful that I can, by careful and purposeful choosing, impart grace to my family, friends, and neighbors — why, even a stranger might be a partaker of grace through the words I choose to say! How wonderful! What an amazing privilege!

Proverbs 10.11 “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.” NRSV

Do my words bring forth life or death? It is a simple enough question, one that is not hard to discern. We just need to be asking ourselves regularly, “Is this ministering life to this person?”

Proverbs 12.18 “Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal.” GNT
Or this translation of that verse: “Rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” NRSV

Proverbs 16.24 “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.” NKJV

Do my words promote health or do they damage? A pleasant word to a hurting soul can restore faith and bring light. They can heal. How amazing to think we can wield such power!

Job 16.4,5 “I also could speak as you do, If your soul were in my soul’s place. I could heap up words against you, And shake my head at you; But I would strengthen you with my mouth, And the comfort of my lips would relieve your grief.”

When I first discovered this passage, I was arrested; I was stopped dead in my tracks.

We are all familiar with the story of Job. (To put it simply, he was a faithful man before God who experienced devastation from the enemy’s hand against him. His friends came to mourn his great losses with him, but actually brought words of accusation, assuming Job’s own sin and error had brought this upon himself. In the end, Job clung to faith in God and God showed His great faithfulness to His servant Job. But his friends were far from encouraging.) It is the old “kick a man when he’s down” syndrome.

I’m afraid we are all prone to doing such things from time to time, especially if the “I told you so” comment is applicable. But don’t go there. Instead, be like Job who said, “But I would strengthen you with my mouth, and the comfort of my lips would relieve your grief.” Don’t be tempted to get your licks in while you can, to muster revenge against someone while he’s weak, to kick a good man when he’s down. Choose rather to strengthen and comfort those who are downtrodden and broken, to bolster their faith in God, and to bring relief in their time of grief.

We are not helpless when encountering brokenness and death. The tongue is a small but powerful member; by it He has entrusted to us the wonderful ministry of healing and edification. We do not need to stand by as though impotent, destitute, and defenseless. Instead we have been equipped to actively bring restoration and encouragement. And that is good news, my friend, good news!

(3) Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, (4) so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, (5) to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

Quite a few months ago, Mrs. Sinclair taught the youth girls a class on Titus 2:3-5. As she read through the verses, we perceived the type of women God desired us to become, and soon we got the desire ourselves. We went through each verse, discussing new points every week and sharing our thoughts.

The first few classes we talked a lot about verse three, about gossiping and behaving ourselves at all times, even when we are around only our best friends. It really hit me on how easily gossip, specifically, found it’s way into my everyday conversations with my friends, and that it was the cause of quite a few problems going on inside youth.

During the next week, a few emails were sent out to a small group of my friends saying how we really needed to work on this. I was amazed at how many apologies were made, and how many walls were broken down between us. More and more we would catch ourselves saying things that the “woman of God” we wanted to be would not say. And more and more we would tell each other, “We really shouldn’t say this” or “Lets change the subject before we say something we will regret”, and it really made a difference in our relationships.

The Sunday after all that had happened, Mrs. Sinclair asked if anyone has a testimony to share with the others which concerned the class. I found myself telling everyone what had happened and how much it blessed me and my friends, as we were working through this ‘gossip’ issue. I told how I could finally see God entering into our conversations and how much of a difference it made.

It was an amazing class and really touched all of us, as Mrs. Sinclair taught us how to be the women that God wanted us to be.

Proverbs 25.11,12 “Timely advice is as lovely as golden apples in a silver basket. Valid criticism is as treasured by the one who heeds it as jewelry made from finest gold.” NLT

Rebuke is actually a good thing. When you bring an appropriate rebuke to a wise man, it is welcomed. But there are some guidelines to consider.

Proverbs 9.7-9 “Whoever corrects a scoffer wins abuse; whoever rebukes the wicked gets hurt. A scoffer who is rebuked will only hate you; the wise, when rebuked, will love you. Give instruction to the wise, and they will become wiser still; teach the righteous and they will gain in learning.”NRSV

We must practice discretion. As we saw above, correction is treasured by the obedient, the wise man. Take care and think first. Consider your audience carefully.

Proverbs 25.15 “Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.” NIV

Great power is demonstrated in this verse. But it is accomplished through endurance and kindness. Our words must be gentle, exhibiting patience. Much can be accomplished, great influence realized, but it may take time. If we want our entreaties and words to be welcomed, they must be kind as well.

Galatians 6.1 “Dear brothers and sisters, if another Christian is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.”NLT

Maintain meekness and humility when bringing words of correction or reproof, always remembering your own state of need before Him. Anything you have to bring into the situation was given to you by the Holy Spirit. It is not your own. We stand in need of grace as much as our brother.

Ephesians 4.15 “Instead, by speaking the truth in a spirit of love, we must grow up in every way to Christ, who is the head.” GNT

We are responsible to share truth. Therefore we must learn truth. Be students of the Word of God. There is no other trustworthy source of truth.

Colossians 4.6 “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” NIV

I love that imagery; our speech should be enhanced, if you will, with grace — kindness and mercy should overflow from a heart of love. It flavors every word we speak. Beautiful. Lovely. This is as good as it gets! But you don’t buy grace at the nearby grocery store. Time in His presence, receiving grace for your own thirsty soul — that is where one obtains such precious goods. Soak in His grace; we must minister from a heart steeped in grace.

So we see that speaking truth in love and grace is a much needed ministry in the body of Christ. Begin preparing today. He needs you to do your part!

One positive way to use our tongue is a proper response to sin and offense. I can guarantee you that offense will come your way because Jesus guaranteed it. But how should we respond? We’ve seen the snare of gossip and slander, of carelessly spoken words or words meant to seduce the hearer into bitterness or resentment. We don’t want to go there. But what should we do?

Proverbs 25.9,10 25:9 “So discuss the matter with them privately. Don’t tell anyone else, or others may accuse you of gossip. Then you will never regain your good reputation.” NLT

Matthew 18.15 “If your brother sins against you, go to him and show him his fault. But do it privately, just between yourselves. If he listens to you, you have won your brother back.” GNT

Luke 17.3,4 “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent’, you must forgive him.” ESV

Should we talk in time of offense? Yes!
To whom? To the offender!
Is this our natural course of action? No!
Do we need to exercise fruit of the Spirit in following through with these commands from the Word? Yes!

This is a sure case of purposely putting that vehicle into “drive” and not slipping into “reverse”. How much easier to go home and complain to husband, children, friends, other believers. But the Word says to keep it private!! Am I saying you should never discuss these things with your husbands? Or should single women have no outlet for sharing personal experiences? No — a husband is a married woman’s covering, her head, her chief counselor. A single woman needs a confidant with whom she can safely share, sure of that friend’s ability to practice discretion. But how about sharing with them a positive outcome rather than slanderous words of complaint? Cleanse your heart, repent of bitterness or shallow self-centered hurt. Then tell them about the incident, asking them to pray with you for words of grace so that your brother or sister might be won back!

Husbands are not immune. Best friends are not immune. They are not a dumping post (if you get my gist…) Use your words with care; “take heed” or “pay attention”! Do what is right by using your tongue to bring restoration.

So let’s do a quick review of properly handling an offense:

Why talk to them (the offender) instead of just shoveling it under the rug? The Word says to!
Why talk to them first and only? The Word says to!
When an offense is handled properly what can be the outcome? Forgiveness and restored relationship!
When handled improperly? Broken relationship and a lost reputation!

God has given us His Word, not as a burden or heavy yoke to bear, but for health and happiness. Is it always pleasing to our flesh? Of course not, but if we desire to reap the benefits of Spirit-filled living, we must choose to sow to the Spirit, leaving behind carnal impulse and response. Ask Him today to begin helping you walk in His Holy way when offense comes. His grace is sufficient and you will find your tongue an able minister!

James 3:5 NRSV So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great exploits. How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire!

But be reassured. We do not need to take a vow of silence. This small member, although difficult to tame, can, through the Holy Spirit working in us, be used for great things. Our virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 fame spoke with wisdom and the law of kindness on her tongue. We can, and should, do the same. With Him, all things are possible! We will look at a new aspect of this every day this week. So be sure to check in regularly!

Today let’s start at the very beginning — a very good place to start! Let’s begin with understanding the need to bridle our tongue.

Proverbs 21:23 “Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from trouble.”

If your tongue is presently doing more damage than good, it is like a car in “reverse” gear. Before it can be moved to “drive” it must be brought to “neutral”. That is the first step in learning to bridle, or direct, your tongue. Just learn to keep it quiet. Before it can be filled with good things we must practice control. It begins with keeping still, refraining from comment. That is a big order for many of us, especially in certain situations. We have so much to say, such great information to pass along! Learn to just “put a lid on it!”

Proverbs 15:28 “The heart of the righteous studies how to answer.”
Proverbs 20:15b “…the lips of knowledge are a precious jewel.”
Ephesians 5:3,4 “…neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.”

Once we have learned how to quiet the tongue, we can begin taking time to study how to answer. Because we have learned to answer slowly, we can apply discretion and contemplate the appropriate truths, choosing words of thanksgiving, wisdom, and knowledge. This is the beginning of positive, powerful influence. Remember, study carefully: what goes in comes out!

Psalm 141:3 “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.”

We need His daily help in our lives. Bridling the tongue requires self-control (next month’s topic!) which is a fruit of the Spirit. It comes from Him and our willingness to allow His work in our lives. Humble yourselves and seek Him for growth in this area. He is a generous Father who withholds no good thing from His children!

Tomorrow we begin several days of studying ways to use the tongue in kindness. It is more exciting than you may think!

We also know we don’t want to entertain the words of a slanderer to us. It will pollute our souls, infect our hearts, and become fuel for fire in the enemy’s hand. (Proverbs 18:8 The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles, And they go down into the inmost body.)

If someone is sharing inappropriate words, you are responsible for your choice to listen. “But I was just an innocent bystander,” you may say. Wrong. You were an irresponsible bystander. The onus is on you to “be careful little ears what you hear!” You must put an end to the conversation. This can be done politely, without harsh judgment, by simply asking a few pointed questions. “Have you spoken with this person about this? Why don’t you talk with them and not me about your concern since they are the ones involved?” “Does this concern me? Am I to be part of the solution?”

These wise words were left by a commenter recently:

If I listened to the slander I would feel guilty and annoyed when the other person walked away. I would kick myself for not saying anything. Then one day when a person we know approached us both and started gossiping and slandering (mostly to Eric) he said (in the nicest way, mind you) “What exactly does this have to do with me?” They gasped and looked shocked. “I guess it doesn’t.” Then he continued, “And what does this have to do with you?” They gasped again, “Uh- it doesn’t.” He finished it- “Well perhaps we shouldn’t be entertaining these kinds of words.”
It was so clear to me after that. Instead of worrying so much about offending the slanderer, how about the one being slandered and more importantly, our GOD!?
I don’t hesitate anymore to speak the truth in love and bow out gracefully when I find myself in that type of conversation.

Enough said. I think we know we need to take care and be diligent watchmen of our tongues, seeking help daily from the Holy Spirit. (Psalm 141:3 Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.)

It’s pretty easy to be down on the tongue. And for good cause. It is a potent little fellow. Read James 3 for further illumination of this. It won’t take long and will lend much clarity to the following discussion.

When we find we are falling prey to envy and pride, a common source of slander, we need to repent — thoroughly acknowledging our sin against God and man for jealousy. Here’s a good litmus test: if we cannot rejoice with those who rejoice, we are in a place of envy or self-pity. The only thorough solution is repentance.

Should we learn to praise Him in everything? Definitely! Do we need to arm ourselves with the Word? Absolutely — for the ongoing battle. But nothing will remove the stain of sin but Christ’s blood. Claiming the Word, quoting the Word, talking ourselves into believing the Word, thinking happy thoughts, declaring His praise, setting the bell for “Hallelujah time outs” — none of these, although good and necessary practices, will take away our sin and break its power. We must repent, over and over again, as many times as we fall, until new patterns are established. The first and absolutely essential thing is repentance. Start there. We will never outgrow our need for His cleansing blood. And, hallelujah, the fount will never run dry!

Then pursue all those other good practices: renewing heart and mind with the Word; developing an attitude of thanksgiving; training your eye to focus on the good, pure, and lovely things. These will all serve as a guard against slander in your life.

Watch for an upcoming article by a young woman of God with a testimony of applying the wisdom of scripture to guard against slander. It’s an encouraging story!

Also, next time I will be discussing the positive power of the tongue to bring life, healing, and grace into the lives of those around us. Hooray! This small member can be redeemed!

In our story we find that Miriam had a problem. She dabbled in slander and complaint. The result isn’t pretty.

And then the whole camp had a problem. That’s the way it is with slander and complaint — it defiles, it harms, it debilitates. The result isn’t pretty.

How did this happen? Why? Well, let’s start at the very beginning.

Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses. Why would they do such a thing? It may have started with envy. We discover a tad bit of jealousy in their complaint: “Has the Lord indeed spoken only through Moses? Has He not spoken through us also?”

“What’s up with all this attention on ol’ Mo? Don’t these people know that we’re important, too? Can’t they see that God has used us just as much? What’s the deal here?”

Poor Miriam. She’s been bitten with envy. James doesn’t have much good to say about that. “For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and every kind of evil.” James 3:16 NLT

Imagine that — every kind of evil. Yikes!

Miriam and Aaron are entertaining jealousy, a dangerous thing to do. So what do they decide to do? They find some truth about Moses to complain about. Probably not hard to do. There is always something to complain about if we look.

They spoke truth. Moses had indeed married an Ethiopian woman. But were they merely citing fact or was this “a malicious verbal attempt to discredit another”?

First thing to acknowledge: not all truth needs to be spoken. How often do we say (as we share a juicy tidbit,) “Well, I know this for a fact…” So what? Maybe it’s best for all involved to keep that fact to yourself! Wisdom and love might dictate silence. Just take a deep breath and think first about whether this item of truth needs to be shared here and now.

Miriam wanted others to see her as important. She was struggling with jealous pride. Such pride can be deceiving (imagine that…) It may appear as innocent, shy, even self-sacrificing. It is actually self-serving — always. Miriam intended harm to Moses’ reputation. She was not looking to bring legitimate correction to a problem. This was base slander.

In spite of the truth of their allegation, does their complaint agree with God’s view of Moses? Our passage tells us that Moses was more humble than all men on the earth; God calls him “faithful in all my house.” We best take care when we speak against one of God’s own children. That doesn’t go over very well with our Daddy. (Aren’t you glad?!)

God hates gossip and slander.

Proverbs 6:16-19
These six things the Lord hates, Yes, seven are an abomination to Him:
A proud look, A lying tongue, Hands that shed innocent blood,
A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that are swift in running to evil,
A false witness who speaks lies, And one who sows discord among brethren.(emphasis added)

If you want to hate what He hates, hate gossip.

What was the outcome of this slander?
1. Miriam was smitten with leprousy. God judged her harshly. She became an example to others that they might see how much He hates this and how wrong it is. It is this simple: slander is harmful and He doesn’t want us to touch it.
2. The whole congregation was detained, held back, unable to progress. Slander in our midst — gossip amongst the ranks — is detrimental to the whole. The work of God is hindered in His people through jealous, tainted words of gossip.

Paul told Titus to find older women who are not slanderers. There was good reason. Paul and Titus were looking to see the Kingdom advanced and healthy local churches established for the work of the ministry. Keeping uncontrolled sin out was, and is, vital.

Put away slander and gossip. Recognise it for the poison that it is. Don’t spread it, don’t partake of it. Hate it as God hates it.