“Obedient to their own husbands”/Rebekah — Pt.3

Last week we considered the breach which had developed in Rebekah and Isaac’s marriage. They were no longer functioning in unity. Her heart had embraced something other than what he was pursuing. And they both were in danger, preferring one child above another.

Now we will find that Rebekah fails to trust Isaac, her husband. More importantly she fails to trust God.

First of all, let me say right here that this trust issue is a tricky one. Are some men more trustworthy than others? Yes. Plain and simple, yes. All men have track records: the good records commend our trust, the bad ones do not. Is any man 100% trustworthy, infallible in every way? No, not one.

Like I said, this is a tricky issue. The bottom line is this: our trust ultimately must lie in God. Our husbands may earn our trust over time. Even so there will be decisions made and situations thrust upon us which will go beyond that trust and drive us to our knees, requiring us to recognize His supreme care in our lives.

Basically, there are two levels of trust required in a healthy marriage: one is conditional in measure, needing to be proven, earned over time. The other is infinite and absolute, fully proven for all eternity beyond a shadow of a doubt on a cross long ago. When the first trust is shaken or untried and insecure our trust in God can prevail. This is the trust that Rebekah failed to reach for.

Rebekah loved Jacob; Isaac loved Esau. Rebekah had received a word from the Lord concerning Jacob’s promotion over his elder brother, Esau. How would this come to pass, especially given Isaac’s preference for Esau? As the time of Isaac’s death grew near, she became concerned that Jacob receive the blessing of the firstborn rather than Esau. She contrived to take matters into her own hands through deception. She failed to trust God for the fulfillment of His word.

Rebekah has lived with Isaac many years now. She has seen his mistakes, disagreed with his choices, perhaps even felt disappointment and hurt. Now she is involved in a situation involving God’s will and destiny for her favorite son. It appears that once again Isaac will miss or overlook God’s plan for his own personal choice. What is a woman, a wife, a mother to do? How can she sit by and watch this happen?

    1. Focus on our accountability to God.
    What has he called you to do? Before concerning yourself with your husband’s responsibilities look to your own. Are you showing him respect? Is unity being cultivated in your heart? Are you walking in careful obedience? Do your words reflect honor toward him? These are things God requires of you. Keep focused on these.

    2. Gently and respectfully remind him of God’s words.
    A help meet is not a doormat. Silence when words are needed is not helpful. The withholding of Godly counsel is not love. You have been given to him for such a time as this. Share the word with this confidence — it will not return void and will accomplish that for which it was intended.

    3. Make a Godly appeal.
    You’ve walked in respect and love. You’ve shared the word of God. A decision has been made which you question. Now is the time for a Godly appeal. A Godly appeal is timely, respectful, creative, well-crafted. Don’t spring it on him when he’s exhausted, don’t harangue him, don’t “wing it”. Make sure you have taken time to plan and think it through, to prepare with prayer and fasting if needed, and to be backed by the Word of God for the sake of faith and confidence. For Biblical examples read Daniel 1.3-15 and Esther 5, 6, & 7.

    4. Sit back and watch God work it out His way.
    This can be the fun part.
    But it can also be the hardest part. God does not always do things our way. It may appear to get worse before it gets better. But remember where your trust lies. His faithfulness reaches to the clouds, His mercies are new every morning. Isaac may have given the firstborn blessing to Esau. Who can say? But this I can say — God’s will would not have been hindered by Isaac’s “mistake” (if indeed it would have been one.) God works in mysterious ways, and His ways are certainly not our ways. Allow His peace to be your portion as you release these things into His loving hand.

Learning to trust God as our husbands lead is a lesson vital to the health and success of any marriage. And He is more than worthy of your trust!


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  1. Wooo, I needed to hear this right about now, as we face some really BIG, HUGE changes (and the decisions that bring about the change).

    Posted by Angela | February 19, 2009, 12:31 pm
  2. I’m with Angela — this stuff has been so, so good. So powerful. Sounds truly radical — living as though God is big. Crazy, eh? :)

    Posted by danica | February 22, 2009, 8:28 am