Marriage

Loving Your Husband, Pt. 3

On the whole, women in our culture are not taught how to love and serve a husband. We learn how to catch a husband, how to be equal to a husband, how to manipulate a husband, and how to lose a husband (too often by example), but we are not taught how to please a man in a long term relationship.

As wives there are ample opportunities for demonstrating love for our husbands in practical ways. A site was recently recommended: http://www.the-generous-wife.com/ You can receive daily tips and reminders of things to do which will communicate love and support. Here are a few basic beginning points.

Provide healthy meals in timely fashion. Learn to know his likes and be happy to accommodate his preferences cheerfully. Manage your life, as much as possible, around his schedule. Some guys work crazy hours which may not always allow for shared meals, but try to come up with a system which provides good foods for him. And cater to him by making his favorite dish or dessert from time to time, even if it’s not his birthday!

Keep his clothes clean and available. It’s that simple.

Minister to his desire for physical relationship. Never hold back, be generous in this area. Learn to serve him even if it may not be the top thing on your list for that day. If it’s on his list, it’s important that you not only participate, but do so gladly. Granted, husbands in this day and age aren’t taught about a woman’s needs in this arena, but that is not what I am addressing at the moment. That’s for him to learn. Your responsibility and privilege is to bless him. Warmth and genuine affection communicate care, appreciation, respect, and desire. He needs to know you find him attractive. And he needs to know you are happy to belong to him.

Be a good listener. Just sit and hear him out before lending him your two cents. Maybe his pocket is already full change and he doesn’t really need your opinion (right then anyway.) Just listen and care about his heart and dreams. Show sincere interest in the things that interest him. Learn about those things and genuinely care about them.

Be kind. Guard your words, keep your countenance pleasant, write notes of encouragement or love. Show him all the courtesy that you show your friends. As your husband he deserves that and more.

Do yourself and him a favor: guard his time, especially his family time and devotional/study time. Screen phone calls when he is in prayer or study. Train your children to respect his need for privacy and time with the Lord. Keep non-family members from interrupting unnecessarily during special times set aside for the children or you. In our modern world, intrusion upon privacy seems constant. Help guard him from the onslaught.

Every relationship will have particular and peculiar opportunities to express love in very hands-on practical ways. Love that isn’t visible and tangible is not truly functioning. We deceive ourselves if we think we love when these practical areas are lacking expression of genuine care. Real love is observable by others and experienced in real ways by those we care for.

Discussion

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  1. thank you for the encouragement and gentle reminder to love our husbands. :)

    Posted by Gina Murawski | August 28, 2008, 6:21 pm
  2. I feel as if iam the most blessed woman in the world. I cannot began to tell you what a wonderful husband i have. My love for him has deepened more with every passing day.He serves me, which makes it very easy for me to serve him. There were times before he was saved that serving wasnt so easy,but if i cryed out to the lord for His help,He was and is always faithful to show me how to be obedient….you see you cannot do this in your own strength,you need HIS strength, which he will gladly give.Oh how i love the Lord and this man of mine!!!!!

    Posted by Sue Henry | August 30, 2008, 11:44 am
  3. I’ve been very encouraged by this part of the series. I realize that my goal is not to cause my husband to love me more (for my benefit), but to honor God with my actions. Of course, my husband’s love is a great part of the deal! I’ve just been focusing on how to increase MY happiness for so long. Finally, I see that I will honor the Lord by being selfless and choosing my husband over myself. Not only does that build my husband up, but it glorifies God. Those ought to be my goals, anyway! Love the Lord, love his people!
    I am so thankful that you are willing to go in-depth with this subject. I have not been privileged with many godly examples of submissive, respectful wives. I have a somewhat straight-forward, strong personality, and that makes it easy for me to take charge! I am now asking the Lord to quiet my heart and allow me to work joyfully and submissively, to respect my husband, and to look to honor God in all I do.
    Thank you for giving me the opportunity to see these truths. :)

    Posted by Rissa | August 31, 2008, 9:15 am
  4. Someone I work with came upon this and shared it with me. Thought you might like to see it as well.

    We all marry imperfect people and we ourselves are imperfect. Even though that may seem like an obvious truth, many people become overwhelmed by the faults of their spouses. In fact, it is common for most of us to wonder if we married the right person at some point in time.

    Of course, the devil loves to point out our spouse’s flaws and problems to us because he is the accuser. He works division within couples by constantly making accusations against each spouse. And because of the many flaws we all have, he has no shortage of ammunition to work with.

    To stop the devil in his tracks and to keep our spouse’s faults from overwhelming us and damaging our marriage, we must adopt the correct mentality. I call it the gardener’s mentality. It is the opposite of the consumer’s mentality. Let me explain.

    When a consumer buys something and brings it home and realizes there is a problem with it, he or she takes it back. As a consumer, we pay for something and we expect our money’s worth. We take no responsibility for the problem the product was delivered to us with. We are consumers and expect service.

    A gardener is a different breed. Say, for example, there is a tree or shrub in a gardener’s care that is unhealthy or has problems. A true gardener doesn’t accuse the seller or reject the plant; he or she takes responsibility to do what is necessary to restore it to health. They ask themselves the question, “I wonder what I could be doing that would cause this problem?” Or if they had nothing to do with the problem they ask, “I wonder what I can do that will fix it and restore it to health?”

    We all can thank God that related to us Jesus has a gardener’s mentality. Even though He is in no way responsible for our problems and we all come to Him messed up, He loves us and nurtures us to health. In Ephesians Chapter 5, men are charged with “nourishing and cherishing” their wives. Interestingly, those are both agricultural words. Even the word ‘husband’ is an agricultural term, i.e. husbandman.

    Related to marriage, are you a gardener or a consumer? If you are a consumer, it means you are most likely impatient and frustrated with your spouse’s problems. You take no responsibility to do what you can to nurture your spouse or be God’s partner in redeeming them as Christ redeemed you. You are probably negative related to your marriage and think you’ve made a mistake.

    If you are a gardener, you see the problems in your spouse, but view them much differently than a consumer. You are optimistic about them getting better because you are proactive and positive. Your caring behavior gives them the encouragement and loving atmosphere they need to get better. Also, your prayers and obedience become God’s tools for redeeming them and making them into the person they should be.

    When I got married, I was a consumer. I was miserable and was totally convinced I made a mistake in marrying Karen. The devil used all of Karen’s faults to torment me and cause my shallow heart to reject her and fantasize about the woman I should have married.

    Today, by God’s grace, I’m a gardener. When I see something in Karen that is wrong or I don’t like, I stop and ask myself, “Am I doing something to cause this and even if I’m not, what can I do to help her?” That change of attitude has had dramatically positive effects on our marriage.

    Be a gardener and not a consumer when it comes to your marriage.

    Posted by Debbie Page | September 2, 2008, 12:00 pm
  5. Don’t know if there has been much publicity about a new movie coming out in theatres Sept. 26..but it is definitely worth watching. It is a movie about marriage.It’s called “Fireproof” and was made by Sherwood Pictures, (same company/church that made “Facing the Giants”). Go to : http://www.fireproofthemovie.com to view trailers, etc.

    Posted by Debbie Page | September 4, 2008, 8:18 am