Parenting
Babies and sleep
This topic of how to get babies to sleep through the night may once have been addressed simply, but in our culture full of overly developed attempts to “methodize” motherhood, it has become complex. The question, for me, was not so much “how” as “should” a baby be sleeping through the night within a certain time frames. There are a variety of thoughts regarding that concern.
I tend to be one who is not eager to get my babies to sleep through the night. Although this is the goal of some methods, after much exploration, contemplation, and examination I concluded that it was not a necessary goal for me. My primary concern was to discover God’s plan for a woman’s cycles, fertility, pregnancy, breastfeeding, introduction of whole foods, etc.
We must begin to dabble with all of these things when exploring this topic, since they are so interrelated.
Because I was persuaded that God was the Creator of each individual life, I felt a conviction to release my womb to His plan and purpose (we will discuss that in greater detail some other time.) God is a proponent of abundant life in every way, including the creation of new life. Yet, in His wisdom He created a woman’s body to have seasons of infertility, one of those seasons being tied to full time breastfeeding. If His plan is to have lots of babies, we could just skip breastfeeding, go right to bottle feeding, and be fertile much sooner. But this is not how He created us. We were the intended provider of nutrition. Scientists and medical doctors all agree - breast milk cannot be replicated and is the perfect food for human babies. Amazing but true! What God created works best!
Since that is the case, we should consider breastfeeding our babies unless there a is strong reason for bottle feeding.
Studies also showed that a woman’s body needs time to rest and recuperate from the demanding process of growing a baby during pregnancy. Perhaps God had a reason for causing full time breastfeeding to halt a woman’s fertility cycle. Amazing but true once again!
A fabulous book, Breast Is Best, happened my way as I was studying these issues, sometime between baby number three and four. Although written from a secular perspective, the findings backed scripture to a “t”. Women who experienced fewer menstrual cycles were better off. Studies found they encountered less breast cancer, ovarian cancer, hormonal swings, and had an easier transition into menopause. Well, that was interesting. Maybe having babies often, and prolonging a return to fertility through full time nursing, had more going for it than we realized.
So what does this have to do with babies sleeping through the night? Here’s the stat: In general, a woman’s cycle can be triggered by a single 8 hour stretch with no nursing. That caused me to step back a bit.
After having trouble with baby number three nursing enough to maintain growth, I had been investigating eating/sleeping patterns. I had already determined that I would not use pacifiers. (That was the trouble with baby number 3 - she was readily contented with a pacifier and soon was not sucking often enough to stimulate the needed increase in my milk supply. I wasn’t about to let that happen again.) (Now don’t go jumping to the conclusion that I am saying it is bad to use pacifiers. Plenty of women do and have no trouble. I just happened to run into problems and was not willing to do so again.)
Because of my heightened awareness of supply and demand effects regarding breastfeeding, I was already happy to nurse my baby off and on throughout the night. Now I discovered an additional benefit — that it also would help lengthen my season of infertility. Was this God’s way of making sure our bodies could regroup? I began to think so.
Is there an absolute guarantee that your season of infertility will lengthen? No. Every body is unique. But the vast majority respond in this manner to breastfeeding.
Please consider reading a portion (page 3) of this article by Nancy Campbell (and if you are really interested in this topic, read it all!)
Scripture would indicate that the breast is not only a supply of nutrition but of comfort and solace for your babe. Understanding that he will not be spoiled is essential. I heard a young mother exclaim one day that she “felt like nothing more than a cow” because all her baby wanted to do was nurse. How unfortunate that she was unable to understand that her babe found deep comfort in her arms, at her breast. What a privilege! Who can understand what needs a young baby has? Only God knows such mysteries. I will trust Him for His provision of comfort to His babes through mothers who are willing to provide such consolation, even as an act of faith, trusting in His plan, not always knowing why, and certainly not receiving encouragement from the culture around them.
I have barely scratched the surface of so many issues here. In time, we will visit them in greater detail. For now, I simply wanted to introduce some heartfelt reasons for why I approach the topic of “getting babies to sleep through the night” as I do. It is “up for grabs” I know, but I do want to encourage women to search out His ways, know why you do what you do, and develop a Biblical paradigm for your choices, whatever those choices may be for you. This is true discipleship!
And one more thought: we are never too old to learn. Be ready always to grow in your knowledge of Him. Do your best today with choices and decisions, but be willing to have your understanding challenged tomorrow, should God choose to meddle with your thoughts! He is Lord of all — even such thoughts as these.
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12 comments for “Babies and sleep”
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I love that article by Nancy Campbell. Having all of that exhortation and encouragement and information in one place was helpful for me when Jameson was brand new and I was studying all of this.
I also really enjoyed this series of posts, and perhaps others would find it encouraging, or at least thought-provoking.
I’m excited about continuing to learn about how God made our bodies. Simply asking, “He’s the Creator; what was His design?” can shed so much light on these areas.
I enjoyed so much learning about this from you ladies back at the end of 2007. It has caused me to start approaching MANY things in life, even outside of mothering, with the viewpoint of “What was His design in mind?”
I don’t know if it’s of any solace to mothers out there who are feeling tired, but I have found that with the more babies I have had my need for a full night of sleep has become less intense. Oh sure, it feels great to get one :-) But I also don’t feel like I’m going to not make it ’till next week if I don’t get solid sleep soon.
Most of my kids started sleeping through the night early on, and I’m sure it had to do with my scheduling and use of pacifiers when a baby wanted one. With my daughter born in January, I started waking her up for a late feeding right before I would go to sleep. And now we’re in a great pattern that she wakes up once before I go to bed, and randomly about twice in the night for some nursing (sometimes more).
I can honestly say I feel great, she’s growing well, and unlike in the last few years - I’m still not cycling! What a bonus to not have a week of feeling crummy every month AND I get to cuddle and snuggle a sweet baby around the clock every day!
When Alyssa was still nursing and before she was diagnosed with her food allergies (and until her system cleared out after diagnosis) she would pretty much just cry and spit up all night long. The only thing that got me through was thinking that there are so many women who would love to have any baby, even if it was a difficult situation. Sometimes we just have to change our perspective when we’re in a rough situation. It may seem hard to us, but so many others have it much worse.
Darlene,just reading your post brings such comfort to my heart,(at the young age of 61,haha).Really tho, had i been a christian when i raised my five children,(sometimes seven,counting my stepdaughters)I can see how much wisdom Gods word brings as well as Godly mothers like your self! My advise to all you young women out there is to LISTEN to these women whom God has designated to teach on these subjects.It will bring you such peace, as well as knowing you are learning Gods ways….His ways really are the best!!!May God Bless all you women who are trying to be the best mom you can be, and may God crown all your efforts with success,as well as your precious babies!!!!!!
I’ve tried to go no-paci’s with all my babies, and the longest I “survived” was two weeks. Frank (born two weeks ago) still doesn’t take a paci, though I have imposed it on him a couple times… unsuccessfully. What drives me to pacifiers? Painful engorged starts, for one thing (which I miraculously escaped this time around). But mostly just being so exhausted and uncomfortable, even having a baby at my breast while I “sleep” doesn’t always work. I am doubtful that my cycle will hold off, paci or no paci. With full-time, on-demand (w/paci’s) nursing my cycles have returned 3mo, 3mos, 5mos, and 5mos postpartum. I’ll keep you all posted if the “no-paci” actually works! LOL! Speaking of… gotta go wake the man and nurse him!
somewhere around week two of being home from the hospital with my twin boys i learned how selfish i was - it wasn’t the first or second feeding in the middle of the night that would get me, it was the third. i would be so tired that i would find myself wanting to cover my head with the pillow and pretend they were still sleeping. i recognized the selfishness very quickly and prayed for a heart change. i’m still getting up to nurse the boys 2 to 3 times in the night but i enjoy it and it’s pretty incredible how rested i do feel. i always think it’s funny when people tell me i look tired because i’m thinking to myself… huh, too bad i look awful cause i feel great!
oh man, i love my boys! when they finish nursing and i lift them up to burp them they always stretch - hands behind head, back arched, bottom pushing out, faces scrunched up, cheeks looking extra kissable, and the sweetest little grunts. ok, total bunny trail.. sorry :)
I am learning so much from you women! I love it! Also, thanks for the article link. It’s so encouraging to hear of a woman with the same desire to do things according to God’s design. I really appreciate these discussions.
As for Eleora (my 11 month old baby girl) and I, we just started nursing during the night, again. We never pushed it or tried to get her to sleep through the night when she was first born, but at 1 month old, she was sleeping through the night (and I mean about 9pm to 7am) all on her own. Everyone told me I was “soooo lucky” and I was like, “yeh, ok, I guess so.” However, about a month and a half ago, Eleora mastered how to sit up by herself, and now, stand up in her crib by herself. I have been priveledged once again with the joy of night time nursing. Call me crazy, but I really didn’t realize how much I missed it! Actually, I’m not totally for sure if it’s the sitting/standing up on her own (however, I believe that’s how it started) or the hot summer nights, or the dry mouths Eric and I (so, possibly Eleora too) get from running the AC at night. Either way, without fail, for the past month and a half, we’ve enjoyed time nursing together, every night. So relaxing and peaceful, and beautiful. Quite amazing!
That being said, I have yet to cycle. I’ve thought that I was pregnant twice now, but have been proven wrong. Maybe this night time nursing all of the sudden is the Lord’s way of pro-longing the cycling some more? Does the Lord have some special planning in mind that He doesn’t want to get messed up? =) I don’t know. It’s all such a mystery. All I know is, God is good and we have placed our full trust in Him!
I have had such difficulties with Jack’s (now 12 months old) sleep schedule. In part, I think most of it has been due to my ignorance as a new mother, but the Lord has since really cleared things up for me.
Back around the close of 2007, I began to realize God’s control over my cycles, my womb, and our family size. A few months after that, my husband and I both agreed that we wanted to make a mutual decision to allow God full control of that area of our lives. Throughout all of that, I was going through many sleep battles with Jack. He began sleeping through the night at only a couple of months old and then stopped abruptly right around the time my cycles picked back up again. I was suddenly eager to become pregnant again, so much so that I began to resent Jack for night-nursing again because I was cycling very irregularly and I knew it was due to our increased nursing.
I realized that I was being so completely and utterly selfish - desiring to wean my 5 month old so that I could become pregnant again. It was ridiculous. The Lord began to reveal to me the precious gift of being able to nurse my little boy. We continued to go through seasons of sleepless, stiff-necked nights and I would again find myself longing for sleep, but I was so grateful to see my resentment fall away.
God’s design is perfect - and although I would still love to be pregnant, and I would still love to get solid nights of sleep, I understand that I could not possibly time things as flawlessly as He can. I am so grateful that I can treasure these special times with my nursling - I don’t ever want to look back and realize I didn’t truly allow myself to be present in such an important phase of my son’s life.
Okay, I’ll be done now! :) Thank you for this post, it was encouraging, as always! I really respect those who are willing to share their thoughts on this topic. These are not widely discussed issues, that is for sure!
I really loved this and from the above rubies website I read more than the page you said to read, I found it that “hard to put down.” This is how often I had fed Hayla, she couldn’t sleep without nursing, and I found it very annoying that she slept with me because I needed my time. I still feel more rested when I know my second is safe in her bed but now I take great pleasure in feeding her at night. The night I read this I gave my (it may sound funny) breastfeeding and my child’s nutrition over to the Lord. At that instant I felt my milk come down more so than I had in a long time. I just thanked the Lord. I had also felt that Maria had been eating so frequently that I was SURE I had nothing left for her, but now I know that her just sucking will help it along, that put me at ease. I used to love when Maria would sleep 7-8 hours and now I know that the less and longer I go without feeding her can mean my menstrual cycle may return. Wow so many things I had not known! Thank you. I am now getting above rubies magazine. Great stuff Mrs. Sinclair, keep these up, they help even the second time mommy.
AnDi (Andrea Josephs)
By the way I was one of those people who would say, “I am just a snack bar to you.” It is sad that even though women know its best they say silly things such as that. I know I want to be different. I am the only one in my family who will nurse their kids for a year and a half, my sisters barely gave it to 5 months and when they did they were throwing parties that it was finally over. They were so scared about getting bit. I can say that barely happens and if and when it does you let the child know that was wrong. Hayla would every so often play bite and it didn’t even hurt but we told her no because that is not what they are for. My mom was another person who made me feel like I was weird for breastfeeding as long as I did Hayla. She would say, “She is never going to stop.” When Hayla was old enough to know what she was doing my mom would say, “Give me that,” in a playful voice but I knew what it meant in her mind. This time I am just going to say that it is God who made me to do this so take it up with him if you have a problem. Or something not too crazy, just to remind people and give them info. Anyway, thanks again. My bad attitude is gone!
AnDi (Andrea Josephs)
I have both questions and comments but I’m not sure where to start. I loved this post and the article you linked to really helped (I’m in the process of reading the rest not just page 3) I’ve always wanted been completely for nursing but I always saw it as a way to feed my child. I never really thought that is should be used to comfort (unless a child is inconsolable) After reading this post and the article I’m seeing that I could be wrong. However, I come from a family of overeater and with that comes obesity. I am not over weight (not even close) and neither is my husband but on both sides of our family, more so mine, this is the case. I guess one of my question would be this - is there a point when you start teaching your children not to overeat or not to eat because they are sad or happy or whatever? I don’t want them to go to food to cover up their problems I want them to talk about what is bothering them and take them to God. I guess my thought has been that if I teach my children early (getting them on a schedule when they are babies so I know that they are hungry vs when they are tired) to not use food when they are in need of something else overeating and obesity wouldn’t be a problem. I also realize that there is so much more that goes into obesity such as a healthy diet, which nursing is, and an active lifestyle along with the amount of sleep they need. What is your take on this thought?
From day one my daughter would sleep 4 hours nurse and then sleep another 4 hours. At 6 weeks she started sleeping through the night and has been ever since with the occasional growth spirt which I gladly obliged nursing her in the middle of the night. I didn’t try to get her to sleep through the night she just did. She’s been sleeping 12 hours since she was 5 months old and only nursing 3-4 times a day and I still haven’t gotten my cycle back. I keep wondering when I’m going to start again but till then I’ve been enjoying and not worrying about it. I guess my question here is do you ever wake your children up to nurse? If they sleep through on there own do you let them? It seems that my daughter needs her sleep more than she needs to nurse. She has always been a very happy baby.
I have one last thought/question. I have been told that I need to be on bed rest for every pregnancy I have. I’ve been pregnant 3 times, delivered twice, but only have 1 at home. I’ve had to be on complete bed rest for all 3 pregnancies. The first 2 I had major complications and it was very strict bed rest. The 3rd time it was precaution for the first 6 months. I had no problems with my 3rd pregnancy and was allowed off bed rest at 6 months. Since we are being told that I will have to be on bed rest there is much more planning that needs to go into the thought of our babies. Especially now that we have been blessed with a little one at home. Knowing all this info would you still suggest the type of family planning method that you discussed? If not what would you suggest or say to women in situations like mine?
We know God is faithful and will provide and protect in whatever situation He puts us in but we also know that He gives us wisdom. What if widsom is telling us to plan, prepare and prevent until the Lord leads us to do otherwise?
I’ve struggled with this question since I found out I would have to be on bed rest. We long for a big family and in God’s timing we’re just not sure what that looks like for us. I’d love to know what your thoughts are on this.
Thanks,
Tarah
I love this subject! I love wondering what God’s perfect design was. I certainly think nursing our babies whenever they need it is part of His plan. Sleeping near your baby and keeping them close helps a lot in being able to attend to their needs. I love to think about how women are a reflection of God in their mothering. Our nurturing and comforting is something that God does to us. I just learned that El Shadddai means “The breasted one”. God sees himself like a nursing mother who comforts and feeds her child. I love that! He never says no to us when we need comfort. He never begrudges us our cries for help in the night. I am trying to be more like Him in my mothering. I know that He is the perfect example. His design is so wonderful, and learning more about it is exciting.