Parenting

All right, a little bit of Q and A clean up here on the discipline topic (unless, of course, you’ve got a question that hasn’t been answered, which you should send in, by all means!)

I’m the admitted rookie, but here goes my best attempt! (Actually, I’m sort of cheating; my answers are all things I learned from my parents!)

You know the 12-month-old (younger or older) is throwing a self-centered fit, but because of his/her age and inability to effectively communicate, Mom and Dad do not know how to nip it in the bud. Any advice?

First of all, as the parent, you know when your baby’s fit is a major display of attitude. (Attitudes, in case you don’t know, precede the skill of speech development by light years.) But since this young child doesn’t necessarily know what you mean by, “No fits!,” here’s an idea (which works for all sorts of communication sans English):

Say very clearly, “No, no,” and then act out the behavior they just displayed. Make the angry face, arch your back, make a screaming sound — whatever. Then say again, “No. Bad attitude. No.” Perhaps you feel like you need to repeat this for a few instances, but at some point, they will quickly put two and two together, and when their fit is met with a spank, will quickly understand that they’re out of bounds.

(By the way, for a truly humorous experience, catch my dad acting out a tantrum.)

This communication through gestures works well for many things. Learning the command “Come,” teaching how to be gentle or not touch — so many things. We use it without thinking to teach things like walking, stacking blocks, holding a crayon, etc. Your baby will understand just as well when it’s used to communicate a boundary in behavior.

On training babies — how soon? What’s appropriate?

There’s no magic number here, and certainly no one method, either. I will say that babies are quick to learn, and using your instinct, you probably will be able to figure out what they’re capable of.

Most training begins when a baby begins to get around on their own. I, for one, didn’t do much to “childproof” my home, but neither did I want Jameson to learn boundaries at the expense of his safety. (Like, you know, I put safety plugs in the outlets rather than expecting him to always obey and never stick his little finger in there.) Most of his early training had to do with his own safety. If he touched something I didn’t want him to touch, I would move his hand, say, “No no,” and then the next time, flick his hand. He learned quickly what the boundaries were, and how he could enjoy his explorations while still being safe.

A lot of “baby” training requires discernment, and a good dose of confidence, too. I could tell the difference, for instance, between squirming while being changed because he’d spotted a toy out of the corner of his eye (in which case I would often grab the toy and give it to him to hold, much to his delight!), or squirming because he was upset about having to lay down (in which case I would swat his little thigh and so, “no.”)

With a young child who’s just learning the ropes, you want to make a quick connection between behavior and consequence (thus, flick the hand when he touches a no-no; the thigh when he’s kicking his legs.) And you’re not entering into a full-on discipline session here. You’re just trying to teach your baby the meaning of “no,” and that he is to obey you (and not the other way around!)