Parenting

If you read through last week’s scripture listing you are probably aware of the legitimacy of spanking. God prescribed beatings (I am tempted to apologize for using such a strong word, but I could never apologize for the Word of God) with a branch or rod as the method for dealing with foolishness bound in the heart, as a means of imparting wisdom and causing children to be a delight to our soul, and as a tool for sparing their souls from death (a study of the Hebrew confirms these things, not to mention the NT references cited last week also supporting that real love does include chastening.) Wow. I think I ought to take seriously His way regarding such important things.

Years ago, before I even truly entertained the thought of having children (I wasn’t yet convinced they would ever be a part of my life) I met a young boy (6-ish) who was very polite, happy, and interesting. I studied his interaction with his parents and other adults. I remember thinking that if I ever had children, they would be like that. It was my awakening to the possibility that children could indeed be a blessing.

But why was this young boy different from so many others (all those others that left me convinced that children were not a blessing…) As I saw his parents talk with him I recognized their confident authority and his acceptance of that authority. How and where did this come from? Upon investigation I found it came from the Word and their application of scriptural principles.

1. We must build upon the Word. When our confidence is shaken through worldly counsel whispered in our ear (that would be the enemy), pressure from the “pros” (often used by the enemy to undermine true counsel), resistance from the ranks beneath us (that would be our own kids) we must head straight to the unchanging Word of God. It is our anchor, our refuge, our help. Get these verses memorized and return to them often. The years of childtraining are long, fraught with temptations and hardships. We need a constant guide.

2. “Put on” authority. One of the biggest dilemmas I encounter in my own life and as I talk with other parents is a lack of confidence in our own authority. If we don’t think we have it, trust me, our kids will run over us! The truth is that it has nothing to do with personality, intelligence, or giftings. It has everything to do with the fact that if you have children you are called — even charged — to parent them. Inherent in that position is authority. God has given us stewardship of His children and has given us authority to guide, command, train, bless, and discipline those children. Take that authority in hand and put it on. Do it today. It is yours. It is vital. It is a matter of simply believing, accepting, and walking in it.

3. Teach, train, and then discipline your children (His children) whenever rebellion, foolishness, or disobedience occurs. Do yourself a favor — love your children by being faithful in discipline. This will benefit them, you, and the kingdom.

We must trust the Word. I have read so many things that would attempt to diminish our faith in the simple Word. If the Bible can only be understood by Greek and Hebrew scholars, many of us are in deep trouble. God did not intend for His Word to be inaccessible to us. If translation and culture causes it to become nullified, non-applicable, or unattainable — if those things could diminish or tarnish His Word — He would not have given it to us. Instead, He created the written, infallible Word for us, His children, knowing that it would be translated into every language in every culture in every era. He created it with that in mind — it is no surprise to Him that we are translating it! It is still as good here and now as it was then.

If we earnestly desire the Word as young children desire milk, we will grow (because of His grace enabling us, not because of our own “smarts”) and in time will be taking in the meat of His Word. Yes, we should carefully study, looking to teachers for help. But He designed this to be simple, not complex. Faith simplifies what mankind would complicate.

In my next post I will deal with some specific help for administering spankings, sharing a method my husband and I learned and used regularly, including steps to follow and what implements to use. We will also discuss when to spank (as in age appropriateness as well as what infractions incur physical discipline.)

4. Don’t underestimate your intuition regarding your children. You were made for this very thing. So once you’ve gotten your mind and heart renewed (by learning from the Word of God just how precious your children are in His sight), shaken off doubt about your position of authority, established some rules and regulations, and then trained them in those things, relax a bit and learn to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and your intuition. He created such intuition — really, He did. And He gave you these children. You are the perfect one to know them, to comprehend what is motivating them, to read in their eyes what they cannot tell you. Learn to rely on “what seems right”. Your intuition — your gut-feeling — is more dependable than you realize, assuming you have put it to the scrutiny of the Word (applying repentance and knowledge and wisdom and all that.) Just be honest with yourself, check to make sure you are being motivated by love for your child, and then you can have confidence in that gut-feeling. If you know you tend to be a bit of a pushover, be aware of that. Or if sterness suits your “black and white” perspective, you may have to learn to soften up. But your intuition can become a good guide, helping you know when mercy is appropriate (not just because it’s easier right then), or when you need to pursue a more contrite spirit from your child, or if it is best to just let it rest for the time being (sometimes enough discipline is enough — it is not always beneficial to have sessions that drag on and on. There will undoubtedly be another opportunity to learn the same lesson tomorrow.)

Discipline is not intended to impute righteousness to our children. It is intended, rather, to establish them in a knowledge of right and wrong, an understanding of consequences, and character strengthened through the exercise of making right choices.

God, in His infinite love for me, disciplines me and I learn that His ways are better. Soon I am choosing His ways first, without making bad choices. Our children will learn the same; first they learn to trust us and our less than perfect love for them, then they discover that it is merely a weak reflection of His perfect love for them and they learn to trust Him implicitly. That is the ultimate joy for any parent!

Enough for one day. I will be back soon with some practicals of discipline.

**edited by author
For further clarification I need to state that I in no way am minimizing the need for faithful Greek and Hebrew scholars. I am, in fact, celebrating God’s provision of such scholars who were able to do the work of translation in true and faithful fashion so that those of us (the multitude) could read the precious Word of God ourselves. At some point, faith must enter in to release total trust that God provided such men and such wonderful Living Words. This allows me to study freely without the necessity of careless reinterpretation of the Greek and Hebrew on my own.