Question of the Week

Perfection?

By Darlene Sinclair ⋅ April 8, 2008 ⋅ Post a comment
Darlene Sinclair

A question has been raised regarding attaining perfection. How come some people’s lives look perfect? Is that really possible? Is it even a goal worth aiming at?

Let’s start with that last thought: is perfection worth aiming at, is it the ultimate goal?

Well, if you want to get real heady and mystical, you could make the argument that “of course that’s the goal - after all, isn’t God perfect and isn’t God love and isn’t the goal to love and be like Him?”

True, I suppose. But our idea of aiming at perfection versus His plan of us aiming at the manifestation of agape love may end up with differing results. It’s all in the semantics. And the culture. And what our eyes behold as perfection.

Unfortunately we American women have skewed images of perfection; Martha Stewart’s bedroom, Better Homes and Gardens’ Christmas decor, Saks Fifth Avenue models, Hollywood’s personas, and Rosie Daley’s recipes, for instance.

Fortunately God has not called us to any such perfection, but rather to a reality infused with honest love and nurturing and worship and, best of all, His grace. Were we to attain perfection, His grace would no longer abound in our lives. He gives grace to the humble, and perfection doesn’t call for humility. A life without His grace would be tragedy of the worst kind.

All of this to say that none of us, myself and daughters included, should make perfection the goal. We should set our sights on love from a pure heart. These things I have learned: that love can happen in the kitchen even if the dishes aren’t done, that your toddler might be encouraged and affirmed without wearing underwear that matches his socks, that once in a while your husband will need your attention and the pasta will boil over leaving starch burning on the stove elements and allowing the spaghetti to get too soft, and that life does not need to look like a magazine cover to exude warmth, peace, and love. My favorite photos these days are at home shots of kids eating cookies around the table with Mom after doing yard chores while piles of dishes loom in the background. Or crafts being done, maybe a favorite book read with some clutter in the corner of the family room. “Heaven forbid!” - according to our magazine perfect world.

Am I implying we should let it all go? Live in a mess? Forsake order for cuddle time entirely?

No way. I thrive on order (although if you lived here you would not think so — I said I thrived on it, not that I have attained it 24/7!) My husband does better with order as well. So we aim at order when possible. But not at the forfeiture of impromptu special moments, a necessary spontaneous conversation, or an impulsively creative and wonderful idea to pursue. So much for perfection right about then!

High goals are necessary in my book. I’ve been accused of “shooting for the stars” but my response has always been, “At least that way I might just reach the moon!” So when I make a meal I may try out Rosie’s recipes, I may borrow an idea from Martha’s tabletop, and I just might reach for some garden blooms inspired by Better Homes and Gardens. But live there? No way. Not me. I’ll take His grace any day. In fact, I need His grace everyday! Don’t you?

Discussion

8 comments for “Perfection?”

  1. I’ve got to tell you..this may be one of the most encouraging blog posts I have ever read. Thank you.

    Posted by Gina Murawski | April 9, 2008, 9:47 am

  2. I think this post is fantastic.

    For me, seeing other peoples’ “perfect” lives is very discouraging at times. Especially with much of my interactions with others being on blogs and such, its hard to remember that people choose what they put out there.

    (And I’d never heard of Rosie Daley so I just borrowed one of her cookbooks from the library. Thanks for the tip!)

    Posted by Jackie C | April 9, 2008, 11:03 am

  3. Thank you,thank you,thank you!I like to think my home looks like Better Homes and Garden because thats one of my gifts in life(to decorate,I love it). But as far as being perfect myself, Iam far from it! I need God and His Grace minute by minute.I want with all my heart to be who God has made me to be,and for each one of us that may be different. We should try to live our lives as examples for each other,but not try to be someone else, we are all unique, because God loves diversity.As you stated,”God gives Grace to the humble,but resists the proud.”May i stay humbled Oh Lord!

    Posted by Sue Henry | April 9, 2008, 11:29 am

  4. …Fortunately God has not called us to any such perfection, but rather to a reality infused with honest love and nurturing and worship and, best of all, His grace…
    I absolutely need His grace EVERYDAY!!

    Posted by Melisa Garber | April 9, 2008, 11:33 am

  5. Hi Darlene! A wonderful post - thank you for the encouragement! Love, Q

    Posted by Quinne | April 9, 2008, 12:00 pm

  6. This is a great reminder. Envy is not from God. However it is easy to envy those who appear perfect. The pressure we put on those we think are perfect is - I’m assuming - horrible.

    I heard one time when I was a new mom - “Would you rather your children remember that your house was spotless or would your rather have them remember the time you spent with them”

    I have tried to remember that when I get frantic about what is not done.

    Posted by Angela Agans | April 9, 2008, 12:30 pm

  7. Elisabeth Elliot’s devotional this morning:

    “The God who determined the measurements of the foundations of the earth sets limitations to the scope of our work. It is always tempting to measure ourselves by one another, but this easily leads to boasting or despair. It is our business to find the sphere of service allotted to us, and do all that He has appointed us to do within that sphere, not “commending ourselves.”

    Paul said, “We will keep to the limits God has apportioned us” (2 Cor 10:13 RSV). Jesus did that–willing to become a helpless, newborn baby, to be a growing child, an adolescent, a man, each stage bounded by its peculiar strictures, yet each offering adequate scope in which to glorify his Father.

    Lord, glorify yourself through me and in the place You’ve set me. Let me not covet another’s place or work or glory.”

    We’re always going to be surrounded by people who are at different stages of life than us — and who have strengths and talents different than our own. I must always be encouraging myself to embrace the season of life that is today, and also recognize that God created me differently than anyone else. Things that I work hard to master will come easily, naturally, for others. The reverse is also true. As frustrating as it all can seem, it really is a great design. It requires me to constantly be asking what GOD wants from me (not simply what I think He should want from me), and it also requires that I interact humbly and graciously with those around me — they have strengths and needs that I can glean from and minister to.

    “Look to learn, not to compare,” my mom would say, and I think of that so often when a nagging thought of comparison whispers in my ear. For me, one of the best ways to deal with that is just go to that put-together person (at least, put-together in an area that I feel I fall short in), and ask them for advice on how I can improve. There. Now I’ve looked to learn, not to compare, and I’ve built relationship as well as acquired a new tool for pursuing the high goals Mom mentioned.

    And in the meantime, just as I was taught as a child that God made me unique because He has special plans for me, I also realize that He formed my family, and my home, for unique plans. The strengths we have, and the weaknesses we work through, will somehow impact people for the Kingdom — of that I’m sure.

    Of course, part of the season I’m in right now — exhausting and nauseating early pregnancy — means that I’m not looking. Not to learn, not to compare, not to do anything. I’m just not looking. I’m just making my bed and aiming to have breakfast dishes in the dishwasher by the end of the day. :)

    Posted by Danica Dunphey | April 10, 2008, 7:43 am

  8. What a refreshing post!!!

    Thanks for addressing this issue that so many of us women tend to deal with: living up to perfection.

    Danica: thanks for the Elizabeth Elliot quote! Doesn’t she always so wonderfully put into words everything that our hearts are bursting to say? I’m definately “looking to learn” from her! :)

    I especially love “It is our business to find the sphere of service allotted to us and do all that He has appointed us to do within that sphere, not “commending ourselves.””

    As I look across at my constantly cluttered home and feel that gnawing sense of “Aaaah! I’m swimming in toys, school books, paper work, laundry, dishes, more paperwork….” I joyfully remind myself that this is MY season, MY portion, MY work, and really MY worship to Him! It’s truly HIS amazing grace that abounds in my home… not my ability to maintain “perfection”…whatever that is anyway?!?

    Posted by Sarah Diederich | April 10, 2008, 12:35 pm

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